Redeeming Mission

Monday morning 1:40 a.m.
I was still up due to my excessive consumption of green tea.
All of the sudden an old friend sent me a message over msn.
He was as well up and awake.

Out of my expectation, he finally apologized to me something that had happened about 10 years ago. I got a chill out of it. I wonder if I had been waiting for this moment or I had long accepted the fact that this overdue apology would never happen.

I truly want to thank him for this. Even though my forgiveness extended to him many years ago and I kept him in my prayers for years in hope that he would not run away from the Lord for this very reason. I remember I told the Lord how I wished one day I could sit down with him and enjoy a hot-and-spicy dinner we both used to like again free of condemnation and guilt.

My wish was granted in 2003 before I equipped myself to Switzerland but the picture was not complete because I could feel a slight tension and feeling of guilt from him though I was satisfied and content that he asked me out.

However, our God is a God who is full of surprises. He never likes to give His precious children the second best but the best. Remember my prayer I posted yesterday about redeeming my heart? I was praying that prayer while driving home from Eileen’s place on Sunday evening. Again, He heard me and He started the “resetting surgery.” The Lord went back 10 years to kick start His redeeming mission.

Thank you, Ed for letting me go and freeing yourself.
Thank you, Jesus for your blood of forgiveness.
Thank you, Holy Spirit for Your awesome work.
Thank you, my Father in heaven for my heart is precious to you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Redeem my heart again

This is my prayer since last night.
“Lord, redeem my heart again and undo what I have become.”

Lately, I have been pausing and checking myself.
I wonder what I have become. I wonder if I am heading to the right direction. I wonder after all that have said and done, am I pleasing the Lord or myself? I wonder when I draw a line and put my foot down; did I accidentally crush a glimpse of hope for others?

I have been praying Daniel 2:20 after Judy told me so…
“Lord, please reveal the secret in the darkness for me so that I would understand…”

I started to see my own reflection as an outsider when I am with different people. In some people’s presence, they bring out the best of me and my heart is lightened and my joy is full. With some others, I can see the other side of untamed self. I call that as my “ugly” self.

If I would need to marry someone, I guess I will choose the first group. Instead of feeling frustrated, disappointed, insecure, and sparks of anger, I want to be able to serve with a cheerful heart, accepted, and submitted to him… or at least, the best of Zoë can be unleashed.

Being a lover of Christ, I clearly recognize the power of love and forgiveness, graciousness and kindness. Yet, I am trapped in between the world of righteousness and hatred of sins. I believe the Lord feels the same when He hates our sins to the core while He cannot help Himself to love us. It is like – we keep pushing and testing His tolerance as if holding the bargain chips on His nature of love. I think He feels the same struggle when He holds up the standard of righteousness but forgive us EVERY TIME when we blow it. He is as well trapped in His gift of freewill to mankind.

The feeling of helplessness…
I wonder why resistance could be so strong against the motion of change. Even when the truth is loudly presented, our ears are heavy to listen and our state of mind refuses to attune… or our persistency and consistency fail terribly to follow through before seeing it overcomes the barriers and challenges. They said it is about motivation and encouragement… apparently the truth itself does not invoke true motivation and encouragement.

Alas, for the truth to travel from head to heart takes a long time… without God, the change of heart seems to be unattainable. After all, I guess there is where the power of cross manifests itself brightest - The end of ways of man is the beginning of God.

Without God, what else can we do? What hope can we have? What promises can we cling on as our anchor of life? Without Christ, the sun would refuse to shine, the stars would fade away into darkness.

This is my prayer again… today and tomorrow till the reset surgery is completed:
“Lord, redeem my heart again and undo what I have become.”

And my praise for the Lord will not cease!!!

The Time has Come - Hillsong
Found love beyond all reason. You gave Your life Your all for me, and called me Yours forever.
Caught in the mercy fallout. I found hope found life, found all I need. You're all I need.

The time has come to stand for all we believe in. So I for one am gonna give my praise to You .
Today today it's all or nothing. All they way, the praise goes out to You. Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing to give You praise. In everything I do, yeah all the praise goes out to You.
(Fromthe top)

All we are is Yours and all we're living for. Is all You are. Is all that You are Lord (x2)
The time has come to stand for all we believe in. So I for one am gonna give my praise to You (x2)
Today today it's all or nothing. All they way, the praise goes out to You, yeah all the praise goes out to You.
Today today I live for one thing to give You praise.
In everything I do, yeah all the praise goes out to You (3x)

Declaration of Blessings

Declaration of Blessings

I declare that you are blessed with God’s supernatural wisdom, and you have clear direction for your life.

I declare that you are blessed with creativity, with courage, with ability, and with abundance.

I declare that you are blessed with a strong will and with self-control and self discipline.

I declare that you are blessed with a great family, with good friends, with good health, and with faith, favor, and fulfillment.

I declare that you are blessed with success, with supernatural strength, with promotion, and with divine protection.

I declare that you are blessed with an obedient heart and with a positive outlook in life.

I declare that any curse that had ever been spoken over you, any negative evil word that has ever come against you, is broken right now.

I declare that you are blessed in the city. You are blessed in the country. You are blessed when you go in. You are blessed when you come out.

I declare that everything you put your hands to do is going to prosper and succeed.

I declare that you are blessed!

Where are you heading to?

When God is about to do something great, He starts with a difficulty. When He is about to do something truly magnificent, He starts with an impossibility.- Armin Gesswein

Difficulty = Greatness
Impossibility = Magnificent

I have experienced both and yet God's plan for me never cease to amaze me!!!
Help me Lord to decern Your will... through the darkest night and when my eyes fail to see beyond the imposible.

Disability

When we hear the word, “disability,” we tend to think of the blind, the lame, the sick, the deaf…. anything but a healthy human being who runs about and live a social-claimed normal life. Just lately, the idea of the disability in a physical healthy man weights equally or heavier than the physical challenged folks.

These disabilities are the fruits of broken souls, for instance, overwhelming sorrow, low self-confidence, anger, confusion, power hunger, carnal dependency and many others. Anything that prevents or disables us from moving forward or having the positive image about oneself falls into the category of “disability.”

Just as you are and just as I am. We have or/and used to have these disabilities.

Even though we struggle, we fight, we try to take situations under control, and we hope… The loudest yearning for everyone remains the same:

“Can you see who I truly am, despite of my brokenness, my physical challenges, my incompleteness…? Can you see beyond all these messes and find me?”

But most of us wonder if there is an answer to this desperately asked question… until I hear He says…

“Even before there was time, I love you”
“I am the beginning and the end. I have seen your beginning and your end, but I still love you”

Only Christ Jesus can call out the persons who He sees in you and me … despite of our conditions and sins because He knows who we truly are.

Back and Happy

I am back. So happy!!

I came back on the 26th after delays in Geneva and London.
When I stepped down the plane and saw the familiar San Francisco airport, I was swell.
With a red rose welcoming me back was a great plus!! It first looked so tired and weary but after I trimmed it and put it in a glass vase, it came to life again... it is blooming now!!

I think I am having a good recovery for my jetlag. Good sleep and I can function reasonably well. Only a couple of times, I felt into the talking-nonsense chant when the jetlag kicked it.

CA is still pretty wet and cold, at least for the past few days. However, I had my favorite ramen, porridge, Korean tofu pot, and mexican tacos in four days! Life is good in the bay area.

After my trip to Switzerland, I learn to appreciate my close friends who love me as who I am and pamper me to the core. Thanks to the redemption of the Lord, I am so blessed!!!! I pray that the Lord will continue to build the hedge around me but help me to be more patient and more gracious. Help me Lord to rise to the level where nobody and nothing on this earth can affect the joy and the grace and the mercy and the extraordinary contentment I have in You!