康复中

终于, 精神恢复了许多.
依然有些少许冒失的感觉.
很肯定的认为, 没有天父的眷顾, 每一步都会相当的困苦.
辽阔的天空也会变得渺小.
想要继续勇敢的我也会变得犹豫.
如果我选择不放弃的走下去, 请留在我身旁.

失意

实在迷盲得有点失意.
从纽约回来就开始感冒.
今天的我有些无措, 有些不自在, 有些被遗忘, 有些在意.
想要恢复坚强的自己, 想要不在乎, 想要洒脱.
如果人们所说的现实是这样, 我会坚持不懈地卫守我的信念.
当我在徘徊于十字路口时, 也许我会胆怯地捞跑.
然后, 从你视线中消失.

Tearing Sunday

I am still in a "tearing" mood.
After some minor distress from work and life, the Lord touched me yesterday.

It has been a while for the Holy Spirit to move me in this way. During the praise & worship, tears could not stop streaming down from the corner of of my eye and I had to wipe it before more people noticed it. Not only the presence of the Lord was strong and it was so gentle and tender. It made my strong frontier crumble down all willingly and it penetrated into my heart so all loving and all accepting. I could not help but tell Him, "I am sorry." Sorry for my human falling nature and shortcomings. Sorry for at times His sufferring and crucifiction were nothing but a story that was told a thousand times. Sorry for my fragile nature that could only masked with stubbornness. Nevertheless, I know that I know that I know - my Lord is overjoy for me running back to Him than being apologetic about my flaws.

In consequence, for the whole day, I caught the pseudo cold.

I am glad that Krystof came to visit. I am glad that I could, the least, show him that there are some Americans still loving God with all their hearts. The presence of the Lord has not departed from this land. Of course, today's challenges are the step-stones for tomorrow victory. Hang in there, Krys! Enjoy the grace of God along the way and you do not forget His goodness when you reach the top of the mountain!

Today, I have to wrap my mind and filter noises from my head. I need to get my work out of the door. Once I am done with it. I want to share with you something that the Lord has put in my heart since last week. It could be a poem, it could be a yearning... it could be a thought... but above all, it is a revelation of Christ about love.

Till then.

Bourne's detour

I went to watch Bourne's new movie last night but the attempt of sitting still failed miserably. Since it was a Friday night movie, most seats were taken. My friends and I had to pick the front-roll seats. It could be too close to the screen... I started to feel sick 30 minutes to the movie. After battling through another hour, I sneaked out the theater.

I could feel blood drained down from my upper body and my face surely turned white. After threwing out a few time, I chose to seat out and waited for the movie ended. The discomfort lasted as long as I got home and laid myself in bed.

Many things ran through my mind.
A moment like such... it could serve an opportunity to see certain things clearly.

As for the movie, I heard it was good but I guess I will go for DVD.

... Somewhere in between...

I am standing somewhere in between a transition…
Is this a feeling of anticipation? Or is this a feeling of fear?
I guess there are both. Lately, I have a few people came up to me and asked what am I waiting for? They could see that I am waiting for something. In fact, I have been waiting for something as long as I live.

I have been waiting eagerly.
Waiting for the distinctive signs to move forward…
Waiting for a decision if I could harden my heart and burn down the bridge…
Waiting for my prince charming to come in time to rescue me from taking the wrong step….
Waiting to be sure of myself…
Waiting to transform from glory to glory…
Waiting for my King to take me back to His arms…

I am waiting.

I have to say, it has been quite a painstaking process.

Even though from time to time, frustration will creep in silently, I am forever grateful for the Lord. If the world is a training ground for the glorious reign through eternity, the weight of the pain seems light. As my Jesus had me in His mind when He took another nail on the cross, I know I can go through the journey here on earth with hopes.

The so-close-yet-so-far picture perfect world will soon unfold. Give me the strength to carry on… Grant me the patience to swing through it… Show me the glimpse of Your plan so that the infinite will shine through my finite mind.