Dedicated to Anna

I am hesitated to step into time and try to recall the somewhat not so pleasant and, in fact, mistreated memories. Nevertheless, you need to hear this because the Lord has put such a burden in my heart to share with you. Hence, I have won the victory and I am confirming to the image of God each day. Even though I am yet to be perfect, I am spending my whole life to be who God wants me to be.

Anna, I know how it feels like when your closest friends have abandoned you. I know the devastation of being isolated and separated. I understand the struggle of proving to others that you are not loosing yourself and eagerly want to be better with your potential in full launched. I know how you want to run away when others cast upon you the meanest look and speak of lies that never make sense. I know it all.

People who grew up with me knew that I had long hair and my mother loved to braid it and put on it beautiful ribbons and ornaments. I was set on stage for performance ever since I was about three. Dancing came so natural to me as if breathing. I grew up under spotlights, literally. While it was supposed to be the best thing ever happened to a child, it tormented me for years. Why? It is because I was born under a society that has different values and expectations. I had no place to be myself and the only way to live peacefully is to be like one of them.

Schoolmates belittled of me because they thought I thirsted for fame and glory, and that I traded my dignity for boys. I experienced isolation and separation. It was not my worst nightmare but it was bad enough to be classified as second-class citizen. Even my after-school tuition class teacher did not like me for who I was. Her non-verbal communicated how pitiful I was and I was good for nothing. I don’t think she ever thought that I could finish my college in U.S. and obtain a master degree in Switzerland. To her, I was just an ordinary girl who couldn’t wait to grow up and somewhat “not bright.”

I cut my hair as short as I was allowed (due to school rules) throughout my high school. I made myself look much like a boy than a girl, which gave my mom heart attacks every time I came back from my hair dresser ^_^ , just to wall against some poisonous words. I don’t remember that I ever fit in. I had been an outcast among the bright and smart kids.

I sought comfort in God and at church but attacks did not cease. Right after I committed myself to the Lord on Nov. 12, 1992, I walked in a fine line. Attacks came from all corners, spiritually, friendships, and at school. Some of my closest friends at church refused to speak with me completely due to my association with some other broken people who needed friendships. Some older women at church gave me cold shoulders and told their children to stay away from me. I was once again experienced abandonment. Back in my mind, I questioned. Are they not Christians? Didn’t Jesus be friends to the poorest in spirits and social outcasts? Didn’t Paul say that to be all things to all men, in order to win some for God? Isn’t Christianity a hope for the hopeless? I was confused. I had a choice to turn back and deny God and gave up my trust in God because after all Christians were indifferent. In the matter of fact, they were worse than the world because they preached about righteousness but they were hypocrites. Should I just give up hopes, dreams, and became who they thought I was? Should I walk away from the “self-claimed” loving God and His “people”? I was lost.

I thank God that I have cool and unconventional parents. They are strong emotionally and constantly give me strength to carry on and courage to excel myself. Their love and cares protected me from falling. After my commitment to the Lord, everything changed. I had Yin Yin to encourage me and the Holy Spirit convicted my motive and reminded me the reasons why I wanted Christ in my life. I told the Lord, “I come to Your house to worship You, not others. You are the reason that I have a new life and a new hope. You are the One I choose to worship and love. I am not going to care how people look at me and what people say about me. If they hate me, so be it. But if they need my help, I will not stay silent. I want to be Who You Are.”

My experience left some scars and caused me to run away from myself. I was afraid to see beauty and talents in myself because “they” told me that I had none. My self-esteem was brutally wounded and my pride was trampled. Nevertheless, Jesus is my comfort. He gave me beauty for ashes. He is my pride. He is the One who hold my hands to the end. He is the One who sees beyond who I was and knows who I am becoming.

I have won, Anna. Even though the battle didn’t end there and I had encountered other blows at times, I am growing strong each day. I know I am fully accepted in Christ and my parents are proud of me. The victory is mine, Anna. I have been set free by the blood of Christ and I want to be used by the Lord. I am still running but I am no longer running away, I am running toward God and the prize.

After all, it is not about me. It is not about “them,” either. It is about Christ. Therefore, no longer I want to loose hopes. No longer, I want to drift away. No longer, I want to give up. Because I know the plan God has for me surpasses the most glorious moment I could think or dream of. I know that when I fix my eyes upon the Lord, everything around me becomes nothing but shadows.

Anna, you always tell me that you wanted to be like me. Guess what? I don’t want you to be like me. I want you be the unique Anna that God has fashioned you. I know you are weak but only through your weakness that the power of God can complete you.

Since God told me to prophesize more in speaking words this year, I am telling you what I see in my vision of you. I see the strong Anna who is not afraid of adversities and brave to say “NO” to the world. I see the passionate Anna who goes around every corners of the world and speaks of His good news. I see the tender Anna whose heart goes out to the poor and needed. I see the humble Anna who has friends from different countries and skin colors. I see the glorious Anna who is clothed by the power from the Most High God.

This is the Anna that I see, so tell me what do you see in yourself?

Nata and Shally - Singing "The Prayer"...

Picture of Nata and Shally

I found their picture in my hard drive. Hurray... Here you go... the new couple.

Congratulation, Nata and Shally!

Dear my beloved cousin and Shally,
我亲爱的表哥和Shally,

I want to give my ultimate blessing to your marriage right here.

Aug. 19th, 2006 will not be the same as any other day from now on. This is the day to celebrate the unity that God has brought both of you together. This is the day to remember everyday that your journey to fight for your marriage and protect each another starts here. This is the day that signifies the grace and love of God.

I pray that your marriage is blessed beyond measure and through both of you a new ministry will come forth. I pledge the blood of Christ over your marriage covenant and I ask God to seal it to the day He comes again.

I pray that God will give strength and wisdom to Nata, so that you can be a loving husband and a spiritual head in the household.
I pray that God will shower grace and love to Shally, so that you can be a support to Nata in everyway and a beacon that points to the throne of God.

My many blessings and wishes to both of you.

Much loves,
Zoë
(Nata 亲爱的表妹)

Quotes

I promised Joo Sim that I'd post some good quotes... in hope, you will be encouraged.

Just as darkness retreats before light, so all anger and bitterness disappear for the fragrance of humility.

- John Climacus

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

- Nelson Mandela

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting system though which God speaks to us every hour; if we still only tune in.

- George Washington Carver

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.

- Kahlil Gibran

Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for power equal to your tasks.

- Phillips Brooks

Faith Ride

Many of you know that I had an important client meeting on Monday.
This meeting gave me such a chill that my deficiency in knowledge and wisdom might put me in shame. I did not know anything about gene separation, electrophoresis, microfluidic, and whatever instruments people use in this field. This industry was a mystery to me.

I spent hours to study the market and helped myself to pronounce the medical terms and technical names correctly. Other than that, I asked my friends to pray for me. For I believe that they need to recognize my weaknesses and only the work of God can establish me.

Sunday night, God showed me this,

Leviticus 26
Reward for Obedience
3 " 'If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, 4 I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees of the field their fruit. 5 Your threshing will continue until grape harvest and the grape harvest will continue until planting, and you will eat all the food you want and live in safety in your land.

6 " 'I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid. I will remove savage beasts from the land, and the sword will not pass through your country. 7 You will pursue your enemies, and they will fall by the sword before you. 8 Five of you will chase a hundred, and a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you.

9 " 'I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you. 10 You will still be eating last year's harvest when you will have to move it out to make room for the new. 11 I will put my dwelling place [a] among you, and I will not abhor you. 12 I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people. 13 I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.

I could almost hear Him saying, “Remember that the work of your hands will be blessed and you will walk with your head held high.” Every single word stated in the Bible echoes hopes, promises, and grace to those whose hope is in the Lord.

Unspeakable peace entered my heart.

Monday morning, after a short struggle, I held my head up high and walked into the war room. According to my sales person, my clients were impressed. They urged the MC to write up a proposal to them ASAP. Even though it was a group effort, God did strengthen my feeble faith.

It seemed like I had the ride of faith with God yesterday.
It was thrilling and “scary.”

My past few days

I can be a good juggler! I am bouncing back and fro among five different projects and proposals. The side effects of being a good juggler kick in - I think I am mentally exhausted, which affected my physical health.

I tried acupuncture last week. My doctor, Daisy Liu, is a faithful Christian who I met in the Passover Sedar. Considered I Never like people to tickle me, I freaked out when she told me that she needed to put five needles on my tummy. I was not afraid of the pain but the “touch of COLD alcohol.” After a few minutes of struggle, I literally became the biggest joke of the day for Daisy. I was so embarrass!! To comfort me, she made up some saying like, if I managed to handle this then I could manage anything in life. It didn’t help! It just cracked me up further. But I was a brave gal after all. I did it. It didn’t hurt at all. The only concern I have now is I might have to go through the same cycle next time.

On Sunday, I went to change my cell phone plan to Cingular. I know that Motorola Razr is extremely popular in U.S. but I don’t like any bit of it. I compared it with other options out there; it was still the best option. Bummer!!! Eventually, I walked out of the store with a black razr and a black wireless headset (to match my car and ipod nano - sosoos vain).

Two days ago, Zhong suggested getting new cell phones with a shared family plan. He wanted the Nokia 6682, which costs around $399.99 retail price, and he found a discounted deal with two free Nokia 6682s with a family shared plan. Jean agreed to exchange the Nokia phone with me. Happy! I will make my final call this evening after I see the physical phone. I guess my bottom line is I really don’t like razr.