A temporary hiccup - "heat-up"

The spirit of heaviness has been upon me. I even feel difficult to breathe at times. Some moments, I can feel pain coming from inside out. It seems like heartache without reason. And it comes and goes.

No matter in what situation, I want to cope it sweet. Nevertheless, I guess it is the tiredness and mundane daily routines that corner me to the edge. Somehow, I experience a force tries to turn me into an “ordinary” person. A person, who accepts life is just routine and dares not to dream. It is like a tug of war rages between Zoe and Zoë’s old self, I suspect. As if a voice tells me to surrender… but another part of me refuses to cease struggling.

I don’t want an ordinary life. I want a victorious life.
I don’t want to surrender to where I am. I want to pursue the plan that God has for me.
I don’t want to settle for the second-best. I want God’s best.
I don’t want to go to work, come home, dine with friends, and watch movies. I want to go around the world to share about how good God is and how amazing He is in Himself.
I don’t want to hurt another person for who one is or what one does. I want to share and rejoice in what I see in my vision, feel in my senses, and the solid steps marked everyday.
I don’t want to feel defeated. I want to live my life out loud for God’s glory.
I don’t want to stop and whine. I want to move and give praise.

Bear with me, if you see confusion in me.
Forgive me, if you see me all over the map and speak of things that sound pitiful and dim.
Pray for me, if you are concerned.

I am fighting hard over this heaviness. I have been praying and rebuking it. I know that it will soon depart for my eyes are fixed on the Lord. I told my roommate that what I am going through now seems like a labor pain. The breakthrough is at hands and only one more lap left in the race.

If it is a war, so be it because I don’t see it will last for long. Because…

My Lord and I win anyway.