Easter - The Day Our Destiny Defined

2011-04-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

HIS BIRTH
Jesus...
He could hold the universe in His palm
but gave it up to float
in the womb of a maiden.
Christ became one of us.
and He did so to redeem all of us.

HIS MISSION
Jesus...
The man...
who spoke with such thunderous authority
and loved with such childlike humility.
The life of Jesus Christ
is a message of hope,
a message of mercy,
a message of life in a dark world.

HIS DEATH
Jesus...
The palm that held the universe
took the nail of a soldier.
On the eve of the cross,
Jesus made His decision.
He would rather
go to hell for you
than go to heaven without you.

HIS RESURRECTION
Jesus...
the moment He removed the stone,
He removed all reason for doubt.
Christ's resurrection
is an exploding flare
announcing to all sincere seekers
that it is safe to believe.

-Max Lucado

We have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. I John 2:1

累累的我

2010-07-12T02:48:00.000-07:00

香港. 热闹的街, 狂涌的人潮. 累累的我却抱着满满的寂寞.
没有上帝, 思绪会变得坏坏的.
不安静的我. 回望昔日. 思念着回不过去的决定.
安分的我却也按于现况. 爱着宠坏我的你.
想快些回到你身旁. 找回属于我们的世界.

Coming back

2010-06-17T15:33:00.000-07:00

It has been more than a year I stopped blogging, for a good reason though. I have been going through a life transition and committed my time and energy to build a strong marriage foundation.

The Lord is good! My married life is more than great!
I am coming back as two not one! Wuuuhooo!!

Getting ready to move to our house!

"... Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." - Psalm 23:6

Coming back...

2009-08-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

I have this yearning in me that I want to be back.
I want to be back into the arms of the Lord.
He is never far and I am always here but I have to admit that busyness tossed me from the left to the right.

Last night, when I was standing outside... The silence of the sunset whispered loud the grace and faithfulness of God. The feeling of being close to Him surfaced up. As if in the whole wide world, you need only Him and He alone is enough.

I am not sure how a non believer would understand this feeling. The feeling of security and satisfaction.

I pray oh Lord that You will forever be the first in our hearts and help us to glorify You in everything we do. Find us a way to come back to You everyday and every night without condemnation and fears but acceptance and unceasing love. We are coming back!

Morning

2009-06-04T06:55:00.001-07:00

A coworker told me that he woke up 530am everyday to experience the morning moment.
We were all in awe when he said that.
... I can relate but I am way too lazy to wake up 530am in the morning to experience it.

But, still... I love morning moment. When everything is still and calm yet the break of the dawn, it reminds me the GRACE of God is new every morning. No matter what a failure I was yesterday, or how much I fell short of the glory of God yesterday... it is a brand new chance for me today. A BRAND NEW CHANCE. I can be running toward the goal and redeeming my yesterday mistakes.

It is in the morning... the stillness of the Holy Spirit manifests Himself the most.

Forgive me, Lord, when I rush through the door without spending time with you.
Forgive me Lord, when I see the light penetrating into my window and yet I do not think of you.

... and today's morning is different because I am one step closer to entering my new season in life.

How are things going for your big day?

2009-06-02T21:25:00.000-07:00

Almost everyday, I have someone asking me this question. So, how are things going?
Well, things are going well and coming together.

I was getting nervous to get the details done but now I feel like I am soon crusing away.

Am I ready to be Mrs. Yeoh? Yeah, I am. Funny me that I tried to think about a thousand questions to make myself nervous but I am not. Am I feeling the pressure coming upon me? Not really too. Somehow, I know it is meant to be. That is it. Period.

The only thing I feel like lacking here and then is I am missing the time spend with the Lord. My world is consumed with work and planning. I'm constantly asking the Lord if my heart for Him be deviated or if I have placed Him on the second place. Fear that would be the case and I vow not to let that happen. Without Him, I can do nothing and I would lost my identify to be who I am, as if I cease to exist.

I pray that the Lord will forever take the first place and so as in HC's heart. Putting God first regardless in any situation is our first and foremost agreement.

I am entering a new season in my life and I know it is only getting better. Yes, better and only better! Dear Lord, with Your grace and favors upon us, we will shine for You to testify Your everlasting love!!

What's going on...

2009-04-15T22:48:00.000-07:00

So many details...
I am entering my busy months.

Planning a business trip to EU; buying tickets to go back to Asia...
Honeymoon in Oct. Oh my... am I a jet-setter or what?

I wonder what life will be like after this big wave of busyness and excitement.
Ha, I just have the answer. Other big projects will follow... e.g. buying a home, decorating it? Somehow I have a feeling that my dear special someone will have a more exclusive project for me. Oh. I'm nervous!

busy... yet fun

2009-03-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy... but I like it.

I love the fact that no matter I am going out or coming in, the grace of God is enough for me.

I love the fact that I can be myself, either the serious tough cookie or the lazy kitty craze.

I love the fact that my life is in transition and it is only getting better.

I love the fact that no glory belongs to any other but God alone!!!

Tommy and I were BUSY putting our invitation together! And we plan to put up more information on the blog... oh, did I say we have so many versions of invitation? That was a trip!

Some preview:

Forever blessed and grateful

2008-11-07T10:27:00.000-08:00

I received many request asking me to post the ring pictures online.

Here... Just got it from the vendor. He took pictures after the rock was set on the setting ^_^

Again, as much as I love the sparks, I dare not forget the goodness and the greatness of the creator of all things.

For all things are created in Him, for Him, and through Him!!

Finally, THANK YOU, HC! I am forever grateful to have you in my life!!

After ~3 months

2008-09-04T09:47:00.001-07:00

I abandoned blogging for more than three months…

I have been giving myself excuses such as too busy, transition period, vacation, and everything under the sun that I can think of.

No excuse, I am just lazy and also feeling like having a facebook account pushes me to the limit of cyber exposure. Therefore, I withdrew from another outlet to maintain my balancing act.

Quick update:

I am absolutely entering a new season of my life. I can see changes emerge from every corner. What get me excited is that all the changes are for better and bringing me one step closer to the wonderful plan that God has for me.

I am moving to a new position in a new company with a new boss.
The position requires me to travel around the world, which opens up doors for me to build the channel of blessings, the vision that has resided in my heart for closer to a decade.

Accidentally, I found out that my new boss – He is a Christian and going to spirit-filled church. My spirit leaps even as I type. There is no greater joy to work with someone from the body of Christ. Although we are all flawed, the grace of God is sufficient for us. The bottom line is that I do not have to surround myself with unbearable lies and slanders. That is the greatest relief of all.

Even though when my eyes closed and about to fumble, He has created ways in the wilderness and streams of water in the desert.

What an awesome God I serve...

Jean's pre-prom pictures

2008-05-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

Seeing her putting on the dress and had a light make-up on. She is gorgeous!

Anna's Graduation ~2008

2008-05-19T16:36:00.001-07:00

Congratulations, Anna!!!
You gave me a wonderful trip to spend my time with you and the family. Loved it! Rather a cut-throat environment, enjoying the Bouc's accompanies reminded me of the best place on earth is with the family and friends.

Thanks for sharing this with me!

Huajing, the rest of the pictures are posted for you... Lots of Love, Zoe.

He is Mighty to Save

2008-04-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

My favorite song!
It reminds me who my Jesus is and who I am in Him.
Am I perfect? No, but as I am He loves and sustains me!

For His name and glory, I commit all of my life for His sake.

Song lyrics | Mighty To Save lyrics

Salt & Light

2008-04-07T23:01:00.001-07:00

Time flies.
It had been very difficult to get through the past 3 weeks.
Work was overwhelming and now I am trying all I can to rest before the next wave hits.

I am very concerned because it seems like the world is trying to steal me away from God. As if my life is involving only with “intelligent” conversation, criticism, competitiveness, and edginess. I am not sure how long I could be in this environment. As much as I like what I do, I am pressed from all sides. The world demands me to be one of them and I will not. The two forces collide quite frequently and sometimes drive me up the wall and I am mad with myself.

Jesus calls us to be Salt and Light in the world.
He calls us to be the First not the last; the head not the tail; the overcomer and more than a conqueror.

Is this a sort of Alzheimer? I most often forget about Christ’s expectation in me. By looking at my weaknesses and disposition, I wonder if I am what Jesus calls me to be or if I only deserve to live under the shadow of completeness and never achieve the wholeness. As I was venting my struggles to Him, He whispered quietly in my heart, said, you don’t need to try because you already are. It is very comforting for He knows and He understands.

Lord, I pray that You will set Your covenant all over me so that I can never depart from You. I pray that day and night, Your Holy Spirit will remind us of who we are in you. Do not let the world convince me otherwise.

To love

2008-03-07T15:56:00.000-08:00

In the midst of the busyness, sometimes I would dream of having everything frozen. However, I am glad that some people are always around me, keeping me from falling. And the Lord sustains me through the madness of fire-fighting.

Out of the madness, I found myself caught up with the unceasing waves of life. I sincerely pray that the Lord will be my Rock. It is so easy to focus on the triviality and overlook the importance. At least, step by step, I learn to love quietly, sincerely, and fully. Joy and happiness is always around us, we just have to look a little closer… I learnt that we have flaws and out of the beauty of God, we have hopes to improve and excel. I learnt that love is the only weapon through work, life, and future goals. I learnt to have love around people, situations, difficulties, and desparation... things are always turn out better than we expect. I am learning...

To love through inconvenience
To love through incompleteness
To love through uncertainty
To love beyond kindness
To love beyond tolerance
To love beyond helplessness

As if forgiveness is necessity for freedom, love without action is futile. The ability to love brightens the darkest day. The capacity to love wipes away fear and tears. The courage to love brings forth energy to believe in possibilities. The nature to love born of the great creator of heavens and earth. When we choose love, we are a step closer to the Divine God.

Help me Lord, to step back and ponder of Your Words again.
Remind me of where my eternity home is… and the one and only mission for this life of mine.

Sustain me, I pray!

Going through Snow Storm

2008-02-04T15:25:00.000-08:00

I just came back from a client visit in East Coast. After going through so many adventurous events, I need a break. I slept for 12 hours from Friday to Saturday. Apparently, I am not the only one that was trapped in the snow storm that swept through the Midwest and East Coast last week.

Life is going well. Some moments in life, I can feel that everything is perfect. I do not need exceeding materials to make me happy; I do not need an overwhelming attention to feel wanted and important; I do not even need to reach perfection in order to live a meaningful life. No matter if we like it or not, time will slip through us quietly while we are given the same measure of tokens. Therefore, remember to smile a little more, love a little deeper, forgive a little quicker, and rejoice a little faster. We are meant to seize every moment and make it shine.

The other day, we are discussing about believing the Bible word by word and what it meant to be committed. I have my own perspectives, of course.

Do I believe the Bible? Absolutely! I believe the violence and the great promises in the Bible. I believe every single event that took place in the history. I believe the new world to be unfolded. I believe my Lord Jesus Christ died for my sins and rose up on the third day and now sitting at the right hand of God. I believe He is coming back to me. So, would the Bible lost in translation? Would the timeline in the Bible be off the chart? I think so. Does it challenge my faith and my decision on following Christ? No, not at all. Every theology has flaws where interpretation may be lost. But I have the deposit of the Holy Spirit in my soul, which “fact” alone can never overrule the TRUTH.

Commitment -
I like how Michael Pitt put it. Commitment surpasses emotions, feelings, and happiness. Commitment stays on where it is even when nothing goes our ways. Even in the darkest night, commitment says, “I ain’t going anywhere.”

Entering 2008

2008-01-22T21:47:00.000-08:00

All this while, I have not been really excited about 2008. Back in my mind, I know that many changes will be emerging entering this year. All the way from the macro perspective to micro day-to-day life, I can feel the upcoming wave.

Other than the bloody red stock market, work has not given me enough time to catch another breathe as well. The death of Jenny, my dear cousin and big sister, came too sudden and put me in shock. Sadness has overwhelmed the family. When I heard the news, within a couple of minutes tears came down uncontrollably. I could still hear her soft voice in my head and see her beautiful face and long hair in the backdrop of my memory. I questioned not the reason why her departure of this life was so quick and early. I did not even become angry of God's sovereignty. Somehow, I have accepted her passing even if I would miss her. Somehow, I have a feeling that I am going to see her again someday in our heavenly home. Somehow, I choose to believe that she finally found rest in the arms of God. Somehow, out of this tragedy I know that the kindness of God is still in display.

Compare to life and death, everything else in life that we fight so hard for seems to be a trivial task. Once again, the incidence has driven home a message that we need to treasure our moments in life and live it to the fullness. Speak the kind words that others need to hear from us. Withhold not the act of kindness and love much.

Yes, work is important; principle is important; financial planning is important; happiness is important... but without the everlasting hope for eternity, life is still not worth living for.

I know that I will still find extraordinary favor in the midst of uncertainty. I have faith that we, who He has called us heirs, will transform from glory to glory. I have the assurance that my Immovable Corner Stone will set all things right.

My dear heavenly father, let’s rock in 2008!!

Tahoe Trip - What a Wonderful Trip!

2008-01-01T12:51:00.000-08:00

Spent a few days in Tahoe.

- First time skiing. Felt immersely fun and filled with excitement!

- First time snow mobile. Discovered a new way to get to the top of the mountain and indulged in the unfathomable beauty of God's creation.

- First trip with roommates and good friends - Nothing can beat a great company!

Looking forward for the many more trips to come...

2007 Update and Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T13:18:00.000-08:00

Dear All my family and friend,

As most of you noticed that I skipped a year of annual update and season greetings last year due to many reasons. It is, of course, very easy to skip this year as well but I am grounding myself to give you a glimpse of my 2007. Each of your face has been hovering in my mind very much lately. It must be a reminder… I believe.

2007 has been a great year to me! It went by so fast and put me in amazement! I am sitting here and recalling some major pieces in 2007… other than calling it a smooth ride; this year absolutely changes, enlarges, and softens my perspectives about many things.

I believe there are so much more that I need to accomplish but I have learnt to give credit to every single step I took and celebrate every milestone as a great pilgrimage. Life is not only about the big events but every single detail counts – that makes us who we are and helps us to appreciate the beauty and fullness of life.

Early this year, I went back to Switzerland and took some extra complimentary courses to upgrade my degree. Last week, I officially became an Executive MBA graduate with the diploma on my hands. As for work, I was promoted and have been taking up much more responsibility in management and business development. It has been thrilling even though some rough patches remain challenging to overcome. Nevertheless, the Lord once told me that He would bless the work of my hands and so far by His grace and blessings, everything turned out to be glorious.

Since work has been overwhelming to me, I could only afford to take up three mini vacations, counting the up-coming trip to Lake Tahoe. Visited New York and Las Vegas to spice up my constantly “working” life ^_^ Nevertheless, friends from all over the world have been visiting me since the beginning of this year. Their presence has reminded me how blessed I am to have each of them in my life. Even though we are oceans apart, we are never too far.

I moved to a new home. My roommates are great!! It is a nice and comfortable home. Somehow, the atmosphere and calmness help me sleeping better at night. As Christmas approaching, we have successfully garnered tons of gifts under the well decorated Christmas tree. Can’t wait to open all the presents though ^_*

Other than these little updates, the most important message here is to wish all of you a wonderful Christmas and a prosperous 2008!! Also…Thank you for being my family and friend! Thank you for your support and love! Thank you for enriching my life story and help me becoming a better Zoë each year! Thank you for your patience and kindness! Thank you for extending your hands when I am in need and rejoice with me over every accomplishment!

I pray that God will continue His special plan in your life and draw out your potential to the fullness. I pray that your eyes and heart will be opened for His blessings and see His fingerprints everywhere you turn. I pray that you will be blessed beyond measure for every kindness that you show to people around you. I pray that no matter where you are, low or high, in happiness or sadness, at the corner of your room or in the field of greens, my prayer will reach to your heart!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
It is His birth and resurrection that gives us an everlasting hope!!

Love,
Zoë

Moments

2007-12-03T17:19:00.000-08:00

I tend to update my blog when I am down, blog writting is an outlet for me. Nevertheless, it seems to give bias impression for others who read my blog, for instance, Stefan. I am glad that he pointed it out because my blue moments are just a tiny slice of my overall joyful life. If I were to count my blessings, I would have to write a few times a day in order to give a candid view of my day, which is full with gladness and joy.

I am in Vegas, enjoying the last 1.5 hours of my short vacation. The worry that I had seems to flee a thousand miles away from me. After all, when I chose to face the fear that I mentioned from my last entry, it vanished. Of course, there are things that I need sort through along the way and I will not get tired from confirmation and affirmation - just like a woman will never get tired from her loved ones telling her, "I love you."

Passing through the ups and downs, the experience and moments make me realize that I am awake and I am alive. I read a short paragraph from The Complete Green Letter last night about Christians are not about asking helps from God but it is all about living God's life out of us. I love the reminder... I love the truth that I am a princess, daughter of the Most High King, instead of a begger for a few crumbs.

Thank God for the victorious life.
And His mercy and grace have no end...

Confusion

2007-11-25T01:07:00.000-08:00

Confusion.
That is the only word I can think of to describe my current stage.

As if my mind is playing trick on me; as if my greatest fear in this journey is about to unfold; as if all the questions and uncertainties begin to surface… I shiver facing the overwhelming thoughts.

I can only pray that everything will be on God’s hands and I pray that we all have self-discipline and control one way or another.

The tension and nervousness manifest most when a question caused my heart to skip a beat and carried me to ponder and puzzle further than ever. Looking at the dream, which is all that I could ask for, I could not help but attempt to explore the intention behind the scene.

In a way, I believe it is better I face this fear now than later. I also believe that the Lord-all-knowing understands clearly of my struggles. Therefore, either I would get over this challenge then find the certainty that nobody can convince me otherwise or I might have to face the truthful answer that long rested in my soul.

I pray that my Lord will make it loud and clear for me. Loud and clear. Real loud and clear… that is what I need now.

Confusion. That is what I call it.

Nov. 12, 2007

2007-11-13T01:03:00.001-08:00

The 15-year of journey has been a long time but it seems like it has just started. I find that this relationship has reached beyond what I would have imagined 15 years ago. It has been transforming everyday and I can clearly and surely say that I am more in love than ever before.

I look forward the many many many years to come as we go toward the eternity. I eagerly look forward to meeting You face to face. It has been good! It has been truly magnificent.

Today, I am can be proud of myself because of You.
I am glad that I have chosen to be obedient.
I hope the conversation will turn out right and I pray that the You will grant divine wisdom for the next steps. When we turn our focus back to You and seek Your will, I want to see You look down from Your throne of mercy and grace and smile at us. I know that what You have in mind for us is the best!

In case I forgot, I want to tell You that… Thanks for the walk! And please continue to walk with me.

向左走向右走

2007-11-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

在相遇的城市迷失之前

寻找一张似曾相识的脸

握在手中的风筝断了线

是因为我寂寞你才出现

还是你的存在让我自怜

缘分走过我身边变成答录机遥远的留言

甜蜜在梦幻的一瞬间留下了真实的思念

一段情就能连接两个人的天

一条路就能让两个人霎那之间命运都改变

只要愿意相信就能相见

一滴泪就能挡住两个人的天

模糊我的视线

... 回想着在德洲时的傻气. 那时的天空相隔了时间, 缘分续不了距离.
所以我呼吸的空间, 没有你.

In the middle of a season

2007-10-17T11:34:00.001-07:00

Something has been keeping me awake…
In the middle of a chaos, I can still feel the tingling feeling creeping in and out.
I guess the unspoken words matter much to me and my principles.

Even I am on a strange season, I will prevail.
I believe I need this training ground to move further…

Oh Lord, I want to be pampered!!!
Ah! I guess I am already a fighter… but wait, fighter can be pampered too!

New beginning vs. Struggles

2007-10-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

I battled through the whole day to move in to my new place.
Everything seems to be in place now, except my books and files.
I hope it will be a new start today... I desperately want to kiss the past good-bye and start the new season.

Emotionally, I still have my moments.
I am exhausted from work, my boss, and odd timings for things to happen.
I dislike the fact that I notice the innocence behind cruel words, as well as the hypocrisy behind a smile.

With a single out-of-the-blue comment, I was ranged.
To me, the comment was subjected to me as if I purposely dictated something that I was not aware of. Nevertheless, to the other party, it could be just an expression. I tried to brush away the silly outburst but the more I thought of it, the more I was unease. Curse to the power of anger and resentment...
Sometimes, I wish people would learn to communicate better with sincerity and consideration. Sometimes, I wish people would be authentic to their feelings and honest to another.

Looking at the both sides of the sky, I sigh...
I asked myself, so, do I prefer a nicer communication but lack of honest or being hurt by some raw authentic lack of favor and grace communication?

... Oh Lord, have mercy upon us, wicked in nature, falling short of Your glory.

I need You, Lord.

2007-10-10T13:39:00.000-07:00

I need to breathe...
I feel like I am cornered.
Lord, please set me free from the momentary pain.
Open up door and show me the way...
Break the chain of iron and barricade of bronze, please go before me.
I need you. I need you. I need you.

From two weeks ago

2007-09-26T16:18:00.001-07:00

午后的阳光有点懒的出奇.
就如弥漫的烟雾, 散乱的思绪.
有个朋友怎么说过, “一个诗人是需要承受一定的寂寞.”
电影里也有角色提到, “艺术家是悲哀的. 只有悲哀才能启发有价值的艺术.”
我相信有着艺术潜能的人不需要悲哀的命运.
需要的只是一颗能感动的心, 一双能看到世间人情世故的眼睛.
有太多无法兑现的誓言, 有太多无力挽回的遗憾.
我们有的是今天. 我们有的是信念. 我们有的是不放弃.

我们的世界应该…
少一点的失望, 多一点的希望.
少一点的眼泪, 多一点的微笑.
少一点的冷漠, 多一点的温暖.

Psalms 19

2007-09-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

A self-claimed Christian acquaintance asked, "How can you be sure you have Christ Jesus in you? Does He speak to you and tell you so?" I guess I experienced a similar amazement and sadness when Uncle Moses asked the congregation who could be sure to enter heaven, and there were just a few hands raised out of hundreds.

When one truly lays down his life and commits to the Lord, the Holy Spirit will deposit such an assurance in his life that he is truly saved, forgiven, and freed. Does God speak? Oh ya! May not be the answer we want to hear but the whole universe never cease to proclaim His work and He never cease to show us His love through the mighty milky way and the fragile flower by the road side.

I instantly thought of the beautiful Psalms 19...

1 The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
2 Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
3 There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard. [a]
4 Their voice [b] goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.

1 諸天述說神的榮耀 ; 穹蒼傳揚他的手段。
2 這日到那日發出言語 ; 這夜到那夜傳出知識。
3 無言無語 , 也無聲音可聽。
4 他的量帶通遍天下 , 他的言語傳到地極。

He speaks, even right at this second.
His voice still resonances throughout the universe.

To face life's changes, look to the unchanging God.

2007-09-06T13:23:00.000-07:00

Why do I feel different?

Has something changed? Or the cold gives me a sense of illusion?
I could not help but think of a thousand reasons of why I feel being treated differently.

The sun still shines. The stars still greet me at night.

Somehow, the current standards no longer match the previous.
Is the tiny shift of focus and busyness?
Is the potential “achievable” goal no longer a goal?
Is it because everything has an expiration date?

I feel awkward at times.
With smiles and hopes, I could not help but feel change is breaking in.

I wonder if God shares the same feeling when we are too busy with life.
I wonder if He feels a slight of blue when we chase after the spining world.
I wonder if He misses us when our long silence poses from the other end.
I wonder how He feels when we run to Him in needs but reluctant to spend a minute with Him when everything is rosy and well.

Set my eyes upon You, Lord.
When everything around me changes, let me remain in Your everlasting presence.
With the ups and downs in life, I am still loved by the King.

When we are happy or when we are blue,
God is aware of whatever we do;
All of our sorrows He takes as His own—
And He will never leave us alone.
—Hess

New York - Part I

2007-09-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

Even though I am still fighting over the remaining cough and running nose, my trip to New York was fun. Fun to meet up with Yuri again and it was absolutely a thrill to visit places in the big city.

The Time Square and the Broadway appear to be very similar to the busy Tokyo downtown. Sometimes, I wonder would people be exactly lost in the crowd. I even wonder if people choose to disappear in the big city, mainly to run away from familiarity.

The architecture cruise and double-decker bus night tour were fun. They gave me a snapshot of what New York looked like. Looking through the tall buildings and starry lights, it enchoes a voice of personality and identity.

Attached is the picture we took in the Columbus square, Samsung store...

More to come...

康复中

2007-08-30T16:55:00.000-07:00

终于, 精神恢复了许多.
依然有些少许冒失的感觉.
很肯定的认为, 没有天父的眷顾, 每一步都会相当的困苦.
辽阔的天空也会变得渺小.
想要继续勇敢的我也会变得犹豫.
如果我选择不放弃的走下去, 请留在我身旁.

失意

2007-08-29T12:59:00.000-07:00

实在迷盲得有点失意.
从纽约回来就开始感冒.
今天的我有些无措, 有些不自在, 有些被遗忘, 有些在意.
想要恢复坚强的自己, 想要不在乎, 想要洒脱.
如果人们所说的现实是这样, 我会坚持不懈地卫守我的信念.
当我在徘徊于十字路口时, 也许我会胆怯地捞跑.
然后, 从你视线中消失.

Tearing Sunday

2007-08-13T08:12:00.000-07:00

I am still in a "tearing" mood.
After some minor distress from work and life, the Lord touched me yesterday.

It has been a while for the Holy Spirit to move me in this way. During the praise & worship, tears could not stop streaming down from the corner of of my eye and I had to wipe it before more people noticed it. Not only the presence of the Lord was strong and it was so gentle and tender. It made my strong frontier crumble down all willingly and it penetrated into my heart so all loving and all accepting. I could not help but tell Him, "I am sorry." Sorry for my human falling nature and shortcomings. Sorry for at times His sufferring and crucifiction were nothing but a story that was told a thousand times. Sorry for my fragile nature that could only masked with stubbornness. Nevertheless, I know that I know that I know - my Lord is overjoy for me running back to Him than being apologetic about my flaws.

In consequence, for the whole day, I caught the pseudo cold.

I am glad that Krystof came to visit. I am glad that I could, the least, show him that there are some Americans still loving God with all their hearts. The presence of the Lord has not departed from this land. Of course, today's challenges are the step-stones for tomorrow victory. Hang in there, Krys! Enjoy the grace of God along the way and you do not forget His goodness when you reach the top of the mountain!

Today, I have to wrap my mind and filter noises from my head. I need to get my work out of the door. Once I am done with it. I want to share with you something that the Lord has put in my heart since last week. It could be a poem, it could be a yearning... it could be a thought... but above all, it is a revelation of Christ about love.

Till then.

Bourne's detour

2007-08-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

I went to watch Bourne's new movie last night but the attempt of sitting still failed miserably. Since it was a Friday night movie, most seats were taken. My friends and I had to pick the front-roll seats. It could be too close to the screen... I started to feel sick 30 minutes to the movie. After battling through another hour, I sneaked out the theater.

I could feel blood drained down from my upper body and my face surely turned white. After threwing out a few time, I chose to seat out and waited for the movie ended. The discomfort lasted as long as I got home and laid myself in bed.

Many things ran through my mind.
A moment like such... it could serve an opportunity to see certain things clearly.

As for the movie, I heard it was good but I guess I will go for DVD.

... Somewhere in between...

2007-08-02T14:13:00.000-07:00

I am standing somewhere in between a transition…
Is this a feeling of anticipation? Or is this a feeling of fear?
I guess there are both. Lately, I have a few people came up to me and asked what am I waiting for? They could see that I am waiting for something. In fact, I have been waiting for something as long as I live.

I have been waiting eagerly.
Waiting for the distinctive signs to move forward…
Waiting for a decision if I could harden my heart and burn down the bridge…
Waiting for my prince charming to come in time to rescue me from taking the wrong step….
Waiting to be sure of myself…
Waiting to transform from glory to glory…
Waiting for my King to take me back to His arms…

I am waiting.

I have to say, it has been quite a painstaking process.

Even though from time to time, frustration will creep in silently, I am forever grateful for the Lord. If the world is a training ground for the glorious reign through eternity, the weight of the pain seems light. As my Jesus had me in His mind when He took another nail on the cross, I know I can go through the journey here on earth with hopes.

The so-close-yet-so-far picture perfect world will soon unfold. Give me the strength to carry on… Grant me the patience to swing through it… Show me the glimpse of Your plan so that the infinite will shine through my finite mind.

Excruciating pain

2007-07-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

After the completion of the MoT examination last week, I started to feel the urge of moving on to the next step - as if I have been putting EVERYTHING on hold till the moment I walked out of Swissnex. I am giving myself excuses of taking a break to recoup from lost energy and striving stress but somehow the fear of “stagnancy” creeps in. I guess, one of my greatest fears is “not growing.”

From the moment we were borne, we have started dying… before all of us reach the other end, what have we done on this earth that can pose as a legacy? I do not like to stay at the same place in life without progressing. After hearing the news from Chisso, I am more assured that my time is short. I need to move forward.

Last week, Chisso told me Dina lost Franky in car accidence. My heart went cold. My empathy failed to reach Dina because the excruciating pain is beyond my imagination. The incidence rocked our world again. The reality of life and death, heaven and hell, cannot be denied. Somehow, the echo of the “cliché” pitch during gospel alter call, “what if you die today… where would you go?” sounds ever real. With all my hope, I pray that his soul is in the arm of the Lord and the feeling of finally home may erase regrets in his heart.

As for Dina, I pray that the Lord will give her strength to carry on. I pray that beyond the shadow of doubt, her faith in the Lord will be increased and strengthened.

Busyness and uneasiness

2007-06-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

I am so busy...
I cannot believe it as a fact too.

I officially have to handle multiple projects with business development work, overseeing others' projects, battling through some internal issues. Interesting... why am I so busy?
On top of work, my heart is not at peace with the exams that I am going to face on July 16th. If I passed the exams, I am sure it would be the kick of the Holy Spirit and the Lord is working in me. To be honest, no matter how much I dislike the courses, I do not like to loose. As time approaching and I have tons of work on my plate, I do not know how to allocate time to study. Nevertheless, the motivation plays a big part in my procrastination.

Oh Lord, get me through this journey. Get me through...

I do not know how I get through my day without the grace of God.
Even though I am exhausted and blinded by busyness, I know that residing my heart, my Lord is there. He is holding my hands and telling me this - one step at a time and with Me all things are possible.

Indeed, with the Lord, all things are possible.
He has promised that He would bless the work of my hands, whatever I touch, flourish!!!!

Thank you, Lord, for being there always.
Because of you, I can face tomorrow with smiles.

Pure Pleasure

2007-06-03T16:29:00.000-07:00

It was a pure pleasure to have Gregory visiting me in the Bay area!!!!
I had so much fun with him walking up and down the Chinatown in SF and shopped till our foot tired. I enjoyed seeing him digging in "exotic" tim sum, malaysian food, and sushi... It is no less than a pure joy. I hope I will get a couple pictures that he took, so that I can put them on my blog.

Dear Greg,

Come back again with you girl friend!! I am sure the sunshine state will entice her heart.
Also thank you for taking an extra mile to fly four hours to see me for mere 1.5 day and giving memorable presents!! Listen, everytime, I put on the black suit you bought for me. I know that your best wishes and blessings will be with me. Any deal, any business, any negotiation... it will present no less than my confidence, your best wishes, and the perfect blessing from above.

Your bright future is unfolding. Remember do not work too hard. Don't wake up at 4am everyday. Dont' skip luncheons. Don't skip breaskfast. BUT continue to LAUGH, to simplify things, to enjoy life, and to EXPLORE!!

See you very soon again!!!

A Brief re-cap of The Prophecy

2007-06-01T15:00:00.001-07:00

The overwhelming work is the sound of the abundance!
Call me optimistic!! I cannot deny the fact that I am tired from work but I am excited. This year is the year of acceleration. So it is.

I am so tempted to post everything that Michael, the minister who has prophetic gift, prayed for me and what he saw in his vision about me. Even though it has been a few months back but I am still thrilled that my loving precious God cares for me to the core, even the unrevealing struggling and quiet hopes that are in me.

80% of the prayer and prophecy that Michael told me had one way or another imprinted in my mind long before that afternoon. They are my deep secrets that I share with the Lord. The things that I see myself doing, the longing that I envision in my mind…. includes a child who I will be adopting in the coming future.

The other 20% is absolutely a mind blowing vision to me… I am yet to recognize but it will soon come true and be established….

Do you know the feeling of being understood and discovered?

This is how I feel everyday!!!!!
From the gentleness of God to the smiles of my friends, He assures He is there for me. No longer, I question my heart desires are of me because He has shown me that they are of Him. Going through the journey of the past 15 years… Today, I am surer of who I am, what I am called to, and how real God is than ever before.

… He calls me as the diamond in His hands.
I smile…

BZzzz

2007-05-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since my last entry...
I am very busy at work with a new boss and a new structure.
I did not expect that my "managerial" work has been increasing rapidly within a month. Clearing out ways for people to work more efficiently is truly not easy, especially, quality is at stake.

So far, I still enjoy the sudden urgency and feel satisfied when I walked out of my office everyday. To an extend, my stress level is not as high as before and I am learning to truly cruise in the precious grace from above.

For the past two months, friends have not ceased visiting from all over the world. Spending time with them made me feel like I am in deed a part of their lives.

After the request from Angeline, I bought the new book from Yancey, The Prayer. Once again, Yancey did a wonderful job addressing the one most struggle issue for Christians. Lips service, empty words, or desparate conversation? Prayer is more than all these. It is beautifully written.

Work starts now...

Rondo

2007-05-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Even though I have been busy, the redeeming mission has never ceased since I posted my previous entry in March. The Lord is still doing amazing things in me - changing my perspectives, softening my heart, and helping me to rest in Him.

A while ago, I felt this complex feeling rose up in me. Free of guilt and blames, but I felt in-debt to some people. I could not help but sigh… It is like a rondo. Sometimes out of our foolishness, we hurt people. Other times, out of others’ foolishness, we are hurt by them.

To look at it in a different sight, it almost seems to be the right thing happens in the wrong time. It ends up being a wrong thing. It is as if we run into the wrong door of time and came out puzzled and lost.

The worse thing is our hearts have memory, just like our body. The memory of pain imprisons us to move forward or to attempt again. Unconsciously, we do everything to prevent or stop the pain. What a fool we are?

I do not know any alternative, other that the redemption of Christ…

To come back up again.
To start afresh.
To resume to the original state of being.
To be free from guilt.
To have the courage to look into the eyes of those who hurt us or were hurt by us, and say, “Without hatred and guilt, from this day onward, I will treasure you as a part of my life.”

I see no other way, but the way of the Cross…

After awhile

2007-05-09T14:44:00.000-07:00

It has been a while…
For the past 1.5 months, I have been busy catching up with old friends and enjoying my personal life outside work. Sometimes I just wish the weekend never ended, but it is the daunting feeling of beginning and the end makes the short moment alive.

More to come...

Redeeming Mission

2007-03-20T12:34:00.000-07:00

Monday morning 1:40 a.m.
I was still up due to my excessive consumption of green tea.
All of the sudden an old friend sent me a message over msn.
He was as well up and awake.

Out of my expectation, he finally apologized to me something that had happened about 10 years ago. I got a chill out of it. I wonder if I had been waiting for this moment or I had long accepted the fact that this overdue apology would never happen.

I truly want to thank him for this. Even though my forgiveness extended to him many years ago and I kept him in my prayers for years in hope that he would not run away from the Lord for this very reason. I remember I told the Lord how I wished one day I could sit down with him and enjoy a hot-and-spicy dinner we both used to like again free of condemnation and guilt.

My wish was granted in 2003 before I equipped myself to Switzerland but the picture was not complete because I could feel a slight tension and feeling of guilt from him though I was satisfied and content that he asked me out.

However, our God is a God who is full of surprises. He never likes to give His precious children the second best but the best. Remember my prayer I posted yesterday about redeeming my heart? I was praying that prayer while driving home from Eileen’s place on Sunday evening. Again, He heard me and He started the “resetting surgery.” The Lord went back 10 years to kick start His redeeming mission.

Thank you, Ed for letting me go and freeing yourself.
Thank you, Jesus for your blood of forgiveness.
Thank you, Holy Spirit for Your awesome work.
Thank you, my Father in heaven for my heart is precious to you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Redeem my heart again

2007-03-19T11:23:00.001-07:00

This is my prayer since last night.
“Lord, redeem my heart again and undo what I have become.”

Lately, I have been pausing and checking myself.
I wonder what I have become. I wonder if I am heading to the right direction. I wonder after all that have said and done, am I pleasing the Lord or myself? I wonder when I draw a line and put my foot down; did I accidentally crush a glimpse of hope for others?

I have been praying Daniel 2:20 after Judy told me so…
“Lord, please reveal the secret in the darkness for me so that I would understand…”

I started to see my own reflection as an outsider when I am with different people. In some people’s presence, they bring out the best of me and my heart is lightened and my joy is full. With some others, I can see the other side of untamed self. I call that as my “ugly” self.

If I would need to marry someone, I guess I will choose the first group. Instead of feeling frustrated, disappointed, insecure, and sparks of anger, I want to be able to serve with a cheerful heart, accepted, and submitted to him… or at least, the best of Zoë can be unleashed.

Being a lover of Christ, I clearly recognize the power of love and forgiveness, graciousness and kindness. Yet, I am trapped in between the world of righteousness and hatred of sins. I believe the Lord feels the same when He hates our sins to the core while He cannot help Himself to love us. It is like – we keep pushing and testing His tolerance as if holding the bargain chips on His nature of love. I think He feels the same struggle when He holds up the standard of righteousness but forgive us EVERY TIME when we blow it. He is as well trapped in His gift of freewill to mankind.

The feeling of helplessness…
I wonder why resistance could be so strong against the motion of change. Even when the truth is loudly presented, our ears are heavy to listen and our state of mind refuses to attune… or our persistency and consistency fail terribly to follow through before seeing it overcomes the barriers and challenges. They said it is about motivation and encouragement… apparently the truth itself does not invoke true motivation and encouragement.

Alas, for the truth to travel from head to heart takes a long time… without God, the change of heart seems to be unattainable. After all, I guess there is where the power of cross manifests itself brightest - The end of ways of man is the beginning of God.

Without God, what else can we do? What hope can we have? What promises can we cling on as our anchor of life? Without Christ, the sun would refuse to shine, the stars would fade away into darkness.

This is my prayer again… today and tomorrow till the reset surgery is completed:
“Lord, redeem my heart again and undo what I have become.”

And my praise for the Lord will not cease!!!

The Time has Come - Hillsong
Found love beyond all reason. You gave Your life Your all for me, and called me Yours forever.
Caught in the mercy fallout. I found hope found life, found all I need. You're all I need.

The time has come to stand for all we believe in. So I for one am gonna give my praise to You .
Today today it's all or nothing. All they way, the praise goes out to You. Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing to give You praise. In everything I do, yeah all the praise goes out to You.
(Fromthe top)

All we are is Yours and all we're living for. Is all You are. Is all that You are Lord (x2)
The time has come to stand for all we believe in. So I for one am gonna give my praise to You (x2)
Today today it's all or nothing. All they way, the praise goes out to You, yeah all the praise goes out to You.
Today today I live for one thing to give You praise.
In everything I do, yeah all the praise goes out to You (3x)

Declaration of Blessings

2007-03-17T12:08:00.001-07:00

Declaration of Blessings

I declare that you are blessed with God’s supernatural wisdom, and you have clear direction for your life.

I declare that you are blessed with creativity, with courage, with ability, and with abundance.

I declare that you are blessed with a strong will and with self-control and self discipline.

I declare that you are blessed with a great family, with good friends, with good health, and with faith, favor, and fulfillment.

I declare that you are blessed with success, with supernatural strength, with promotion, and with divine protection.

I declare that you are blessed with an obedient heart and with a positive outlook in life.

I declare that any curse that had ever been spoken over you, any negative evil word that has ever come against you, is broken right now.

I declare that you are blessed in the city. You are blessed in the country. You are blessed when you go in. You are blessed when you come out.

I declare that everything you put your hands to do is going to prosper and succeed.

I declare that you are blessed!

Where are you heading to?

2007-03-12T10:25:00.000-07:00

When God is about to do something great, He starts with a difficulty. When He is about to do something truly magnificent, He starts with an impossibility.- Armin Gesswein

Difficulty = Greatness
Impossibility = Magnificent

I have experienced both and yet God's plan for me never cease to amaze me!!!
Help me Lord to decern Your will... through the darkest night and when my eyes fail to see beyond the imposible.

Disability

2007-03-05T15:38:00.000-08:00

When we hear the word, “disability,” we tend to think of the blind, the lame, the sick, the deaf…. anything but a healthy human being who runs about and live a social-claimed normal life. Just lately, the idea of the disability in a physical healthy man weights equally or heavier than the physical challenged folks.

These disabilities are the fruits of broken souls, for instance, overwhelming sorrow, low self-confidence, anger, confusion, power hunger, carnal dependency and many others. Anything that prevents or disables us from moving forward or having the positive image about oneself falls into the category of “disability.”

Just as you are and just as I am. We have or/and used to have these disabilities.

Even though we struggle, we fight, we try to take situations under control, and we hope… The loudest yearning for everyone remains the same:

“Can you see who I truly am, despite of my brokenness, my physical challenges, my incompleteness…? Can you see beyond all these messes and find me?”

But most of us wonder if there is an answer to this desperately asked question… until I hear He says…

“Even before there was time, I love you”
“I am the beginning and the end. I have seen your beginning and your end, but I still love you”

Only Christ Jesus can call out the persons who He sees in you and me … despite of our conditions and sins because He knows who we truly are.

Back and Happy

2007-03-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

I am back. So happy!!

I came back on the 26th after delays in Geneva and London.
When I stepped down the plane and saw the familiar San Francisco airport, I was swell.
With a red rose welcoming me back was a great plus!! It first looked so tired and weary but after I trimmed it and put it in a glass vase, it came to life again... it is blooming now!!

I think I am having a good recovery for my jetlag. Good sleep and I can function reasonably well. Only a couple of times, I felt into the talking-nonsense chant when the jetlag kicked it.

CA is still pretty wet and cold, at least for the past few days. However, I had my favorite ramen, porridge, Korean tofu pot, and mexican tacos in four days! Life is good in the bay area.

After my trip to Switzerland, I learn to appreciate my close friends who love me as who I am and pamper me to the core. Thanks to the redemption of the Lord, I am so blessed!!!! I pray that the Lord will continue to build the hedge around me but help me to be more patient and more gracious. Help me Lord to rise to the level where nobody and nothing on this earth can affect the joy and the grace and the mercy and the extraordinary contentment I have in You!

Deficiency and Richness

2007-02-25T02:05:00.000-08:00

If your daily life seems poor, do not blame it; blame yourself that you are not poet enough to call forth its riches; for the Creator, there is no poverty.-Rainer Maria Rilke

Some people busy to get themselves inspired by books, qoutations, loves, and great men in history... but they do nothing of the inspiration and blame the incompetency of life to everyone and everything but themselves. In conclusion, inspiration does nothing to a man who refuses to be changed or change the world around him.

This is GOOD...

2007-02-22T11:15:00.000-08:00

If you can't accept losing, you can't win. - Vince Lombardi

My 6th day in Switzerland... 6 days to go.

2007-02-20T01:24:00.000-08:00

Another update of my trip in Switzerland...
Here I am, sitting here updating my blog.

I think it is just another message telling you all how much I miss home.
I missed the service on Sunday... I missed the worship session... I missed the good food...

It was great to meet up with Binh's family, Roger, and Peter... They reminded me much of my time in Switzerland and my little footsteps in EU. There are people in life we hold dear and they are the precious friends that one would only dream to have. I cannot thank God enough for His goodness for me.

Some want me to stay here and some hope me to be back to U.S.
Where should I be? I think my home now is in the bay area...

HaPPy LuNaR NeW yEaR

2007-02-18T01:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Lunar /Chinese New Year!
I wish you a wonderful year!!

Many blessings from the land of chocolate and lakes!!

Countdown

2007-02-17T01:57:00.000-08:00

My jet lag kicked in last night. Did not get much of sleep at all but it is ok, I am awake.
To answer Joo Sim's question - I am here in Switzerland for my bridge over EMBA courses. Only for 12 days. Be back on the 26th.

... I think this is the first time in Switzerland that I am counting days left for my trip. I cannot help to feel the emptiness in the atmosphere and how the beautiful scenery fails to calm the hearts of many.

I took a walk at the lake near the university on the day I arrived. It was beautiful. Everything is so calm, so quite, so undisturbed. I love the colors of the sunset and the ripples on the water. Nevertheless, I miss home. 9 more days to go...

Dream to be home

2007-02-16T04:02:00.000-08:00

I am in Switzerland missing US.
I almost forgot how expensive to live in Switzerland. A decent pizza last night costs about $25 and my salad is $9.50 =)

I want to go home...

Wisdom of a LONG and FRUITFUL life

2007-02-14T09:42:00.000-08:00

One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody, everything, every night before you go to bed.

-Bernard M. Baruch

Big Wisdom (Little Book), W Publishing Group, 2005

Nothing but a shadow

2007-02-11T10:19:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel an ache in my heart… It goes like this…

When I see the pictures painted in the tones that I like, the echo of incompleteness rages in me.
When I touch the texture of a certain object, like a deja vu, a stir in me refuses to be quiet.
When a smell and an aura in an environment dance around my senses, as if somewhere in time I feel I was supposed or used to belong there.

As if a haunting memory that never fades away…
As if a teaser of what was supposed to be…
As if a voice telling me, “this is your desire but it will never be materialized…”

…my heart aches.

But the magical moment always take place when I tell the thought, “The Lord is enough for me.” The overwhelming love reminds me of the things above which worth of my wait and my devotion.

Maybe that is the reason I always like that song…

“When I look into Your holiness, when I gaze into Your loveliness, when all things that surround me become shadows in the light of You…”

So it is it, all things become shadows in the light of God.

Reminder

2007-02-10T11:40:00.000-08:00

Faith is for that which lies on the other side of reason. Faith is what makes life bearable, with all its tragedies and ambiguities and sudden, startling joys.- Madeleine L'Engle

I forgot how I actually battled through the week. I constantly felt rushed from one meeting to another. Getting the job done, missing meals... Pitiful! How busyness can cloud our mind and blind our senses. I have to thank the Lord that He is still seating on the throne, even when little things in life may consume us and distract us from approaching the throne of God.

This morning, even now, I should have started to read through my course work and get the statistic exercises done (yes, getting things done again), I insist to take a moment of rest to pour out myself. It is time to revisit God's love for me and question myself if I truly love the Lord in every aspect of my life. The answer is obvious.

I always have a sense of urgency in getting things done and quickening myself to discard things, habits, and thoughts that I see no benefits for myself or others. In consequence, I allow little rooms of error for myself. In the yoga's point of view, I have done violence to myself. I guess I have been from one way or another.

This year, I told God that I wanted to rest in Him. I don't want to go through the cycle of beating myself up for every mistake I make and feeling ashamed for every accomplishment that I fall short. Ha! This week challenges have blown me off the water but I again insist to let myself rest. It is ok to fail; it is ok to fall short; it is ok to not meeting every expectation; it is ok to slack; it is ok to be sluggish (sometimes)....

It is GRACE that I need. It is the Lord's presence that makes me well. It is His joy that satisfies me. It is His warm embrace that casts out my weariness. It is His songs of love singing over me. It is His love that strengthens me. It is His approval I seek. It is His majesty that puts me in awe. It is He who sustains me all along. It is His home where I belong. It is His gentleness that melts away my frustration. It is His blood that makes me whole... It is He who holds all things together. It is He who fearfully and wonderfully created me. It is HE, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Just like Passion - ONE DAY

2007-02-02T10:39:00.000-08:00

I went to Chris Tomlin concert last Sunday featured with special guests, Matt Redman and Louie Giglio. It was awesome!!! Just like KK said, it was like PASSION. Chris Tomlin did not draw much attention on himself but he led everyone to the throne of God and showed us the majesty and unfathomable love of God through his songs.

Matt Redman's "He never let go" strikes to the hearts of many... when we think our prayers are weak and we question if God is ever there for us.

Louie Giglio expanded our mind on how great our God is... from the core of the Whirlpool galaxy to the protein molecules, Laminin, that bind our body together...

Core of the whirlpool galaxy, "X"

Structure of Laminin

How great is our God? Indescribable!!! Unfathomable!!!

Qoute of the Day

2007-01-29T10:07:00.000-08:00

A true love of God must begin with a delight in his holiness, and not with a delight in any other attribute; for no other attribute is truly lovely without this.

-Jonathan Edwards

So and so...

2007-01-24T11:30:00.000-08:00

Never a dull moment.
My car was hit by a Chinese woman, who was distracted from looking a parking spot, in front of the 24hour fitness. Nothing too major but chips and dens are inevitable. Thank God the lady did not have a bad attitude. She admitted she did not see me nor hear me honking like mad. Ah! Who was at fault?? It is way easy to say it was not I but I will let the so-called adjusters to determine. My adjuster on high is the Lord. I have presented my case and I trust His righteousness will rule over my daily life.

It cracked me up that the lady even asked me, “so… aren’t you coming in to workout? We can do it together…” Who knows if this is the lost soul that belongs to the Lord? I will make my move to her once everything is settled. Even though I am not fond of going through the repair, insurance claiming process, and try to “justify” myself before two adjusters from both insurance companies, I will praise God for the extraordinary peace He gave me. I was disturbed due to shock more than the damage occurred. Nevertheless, the Lord is faithfullyprotecting me, physically and emotionally. He is a good God.

Two days ago… I discovered something that I would wish not to know. I wondered why it seemed so familiar and I instantly realized that I had been through this similar-yet-different conversation with Kerk Fong. As if I have some sort of captivating aura around me that attracts this similar spirit. When I was about to turn and run… Hua Jing reminded me that they trusted me and felt more than comfortable to be around with me. Suddenly, I thought of Jesus. I thought of the ugly truth that Philip Yancey pointed out – “Why sinners are no longer attracted to Christians?” I am put in a position where I feel flattered yet afraid. I hate to see helplessness in them. I hate to acknowledge the spirits that imprison these beautiful people. I hate to provide no comfort and fail to show them the mercy and love of Christ - when they are running away from Him. I hate being silent and not able to convince them that the Lord’s plan and His design is perfect for them. I hate to suffer from the spilt-over spiritual force. I pray that the Lord grand me wisdom and give me an understanding heart. There is indeed a purpose why I was reading “What’s so amazing about grace?”

“… I never find forgiveness easy, and rarely do I find it completely satisfying. Nagging injustices remain, and the wounds still cause pain. I have to approach God again and again, yielding to Him the residue of what I thought I had committed to Him long ago. I do so because the Gospels make clear the connection: God forgives my debts as I forgive my debtors. The reverse is also true: Only by living in the stream of God’s grace will I find the strength to respond with grace towards others… A cease-fire between human beings depends upon a cease-fire with God.” – “What’s so amazing about grace? - An Unnatural Act. “- Philip Yancey

On the other hand of forgiveness, grace serves as a compass to help me find a way back to Him through accepting my faults and guilt, and to embrace precious lost souls who have stained by sins.

I know that what I am doing now and what have started to change in this year are shaking up the devil. Though no weapon formed against me shall prosper and every second of my life is under the full covenant of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. His sacrifice has poured down anointing, power, protection, mercy, and everlasting love on me. For this cause, I stand, and I win.

Sleep vs. Prayer

2007-01-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

I have been “suffering” from minor sleeping disorder I suspect. Some nights I find it hard to fall asleep. Some nights my mind is as clear as rain after a hot summer. Some nights I wonder why I am still awake while everyone has the blessing to sleep soundly. And some precious night, I sleep like a baby without dreams.

The strange thing is that no matter if I have a good or not-so-good night sleep, my energy level does not seem to be affected. I am awake. Period.

Chisso keeps telling me that it could be the Lord. The Lord would like to have a conversation with me… or my prayer life is taking another turn. It could be. I think I need a breakthrough in my prayer life. This morning Chisso asked me to read Isaiah 6 or 59… I did. The scripture about the Lord’s seated on high and His robe filled the temple has been in my mind all this time, even before Chisso told me about it. I believe now after all the Lord is "calling" me one way or another. I envision the Lord fills me up like His robe… just as what the worship leader mentioned once at church. I felt it. I’m feeling it.

Keep me in prayer about this. Please ask the Lord allowing me to enter His rest and enable me to discern His will for my sleeplessness. Whatever He wants, I surrender.

Isaiah 6
Isaiah's Commission 1 In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to one another:

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;

the whole earth is full of his glory."

4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
5 "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
6 Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. 7 With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
9 He said, "Go and tell this people: " 'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'
10 Make the heart of this people calloused; make their ears dull and close their eyes. [a] Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,understand with their hearts, and turn and be healed."
11 Then I said, "For how long, O Lord?" And he answered: "Until the cities lie ruined and without inhabitant, until the houses are left deserted and the fields ruined and ravaged,
12 until the LORD has sent everyone far away and the land is utterly forsaken.
13 And though a tenth remains in the land, it will again be laid waste. But as the terebinth and oak leave stumps when they are cut down, so the holy seed will be the stump in the land."

The 17th day of 2007

2007-01-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

Brother Yang reminded me that I had not posted my 2006 reflection and Joo Sim told me that she had been checking on my blog update. Apparently, I am way behind schedule =)

This is the 17th day of 2007. So far I feel energy in the atmosphere and for whatever reason I am excited of this new start. I can sense good things; I mean GREAT things are happening this year. Maybe, I am going to celebrate the jubilation by the end of 2007 with great joy and gratefulness. Maybe, God will show me what grace and favor I am about to experience. It is going to be wild, unfathomable, and mysterious. Maybe my heart is softened even more till I enjoy every second to minute in life. Maybe I can further appreciate the beauty of simplicity and adore the attitudes of the faithful ones. Or maybe I have deeper compassion and patience for people who are still blinded spiritually and rejoice with them when true repentance enters their hearts. No matter how many “maybe” and “if” I may come up with, the work of the Lord will surpass my imagination and beyond what my limited mind can dream for.

I started my exercise regime last week!! I made myself signed up with 24-hr fitness, and I am taking Salsa moves, Dancer’s workout, and Yoga. I like it so far. See, I like movements. I like changes. I am not keen on working out with cold machines. I used to be an aerobics instructor but I do not like “high intensity, high impact” workout. It might due to my petite physic. I am surely not pleased to see solid-built muscle bumps everywhere. That will make me look like a mini-super-mouse. x_x”

I have been reading “What’s so amazing about grace?” by Yancey. I cannot resist his presentation of truth in which we, Christians, fall short, and where only Christianity can offer. He nailed it on every page. Grace is never at the expense on the receiver but everything on the giver. That is grace. I will write more about GRACE… I am in a phase of permeating. Once the season is matured, I would have more to share on my perspective about this undeserving grace that we leverage and breathe in and out every second.

情深說話未曾講

2007-01-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

Many years ago, I heard this song in a plane coming back from somewhere... I liked it. I liked it a lot but never found out who was the singer and what was the title of the song.

A few nights ago, I heard this song sang by Janice, a lady singer. I quickly amazed by her voice and how well she sang it. Unfortunately, I discovered the original singer of this song is Leon Lai. For a second, I could not agree with that.. How could it be??!! Well, I guess Janice did a WAY better job than he did.

The on-the-stone fact is - I never like Leon Lai. And I have no plan of liking him for the rest of my life.

情深說話未曾講
曲/編:雷頌德詞:潘源良

仍然在遠方追我夢與想
繼續懷念你郤又這麼慢長
從前未會想感覺是雙方
你若燃亮我我亦要懂得釋放

*過去每日同路往不懂珍惜那些境況
這晚我獨來獨往郤是太後悔浪費時光

#你這剎那在何方我有說話未曾講
如何能連系上與你再相伴在旁
愛意要是沒回響世界與我又何干
原來仍然是你,叫我永遠不斷自強如晨光(情意比天更晴朗)(無數遠景再同創)
遙遙同往 (願再去找更遠闊同行地方)

前進獨個闖溫暖是妄想
每日來又往也像隔一道牆
回頭又再想心裡漸奔放
你若能會意掛念己找到方向

Repeat *, #, #

Happy 2007

2007-01-02T18:18:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!!

I am late on my annual update again... sorry.

I think I had a good closure for 2006. At least, I was one of the many witnesses for my cousin's (Lila) baptism. The year closed with a great testimony on God's faithfulness and the reminder of the God's soul-saving business. I pray the Lord will keep her in His bosom and His words be the lanterns of her feet. I pray that new anointing will flow in her and she will start to testify what the Lord has done in her that causes her to follow Christ through eternity.

Let me take another detour...

24th, Christmas Eve. It was my birthday. I was at church for the candle light service. All of the sudden, I heard my spirit said, "It is good to be alive and worship God. I am glad that I was born and now alive singing praise to the Lord." Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!!!

More update to come...

Merry Christmas

2006-12-23T11:03:00.000-08:00

Dear All my Family and Friends,

I did not get a chance to send out Christmas cards this year. I was sick for a week after I came back from a-month trip in Asia. It was too late to send out anything when I finally recovered.

Nevertheless, all of you have been in my heart and I want to send my wishes to you individually. I will be working on my annual update soon. I hope I will bring a smile on your face when you read through my reflection of the year…

Have a Merry Christmas!
Every good thing in your life is coming from above.
Be thankful! Be blessed!!

Love,
Zoë

We don't have to wait till Christmas to show our love because the Lord never stop loving us...

We don't have to wait till Christmas to give gifts because the Lord awakes us every morning and gives us the gift of life...

There would not be a salvation, if Christmas never had come.

We would not have hopes, if Jesus did not choose to abandon His throne and offer up Himself as a sacrifice for us.

He is the only reason for this season! Merry Christmas!!

After the trip

2006-12-14T22:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I got sick on the day I came back. On top of that, I was fighting over jetlag like mad...
Finally, after some struggles, I am back to normal. Cough has not totally left me but I am sure I am healed and my body is catching up.

I think something has changed in me. Even though I cannot pinpoint what it is, I know something is different. I am eager to find out the new sides of myself. Certainly, I believe that the change is for better. Somehow, I suspect I came to know more about myself during the hectic traffic in Penang, hanging out with family members, and witnessing two beautiful weddings. The trip enabled me to see my imperfections and it softened my heart.

There were times I was angry with myself being impatient and loosing temper. Of course, I blamed it to the hot weather and rudeness of the inconsiderate people. Nevertheless, it was me who failed to put up with changes, pressure, and what others consider as "normal." There were also times, words from my mouth did not come out right and I had to pray in tongue to withdraw strength from the Lord. It is funny that I found myself feeling "inferior" and "left behind." I clearly knew that it was the devil playing tricks in my mind and asserting thoughts that were lies. Thank God, for He is faithful. I thank the Lord for His blood. Otherwise, I'd have to look at the crimson red stains of sins and most likely detest myself to death.

I am excited though. I am excited that 2007 is approaching. The new season is at the door knocking. I am ready for a bigger breakthrough, a higher calling, a greater purpose, a deeper acknowledgement of the Lord's grace, a stronger love bound with the Lord, and a more perfected self in God's eyes... I am ready.

More pictures - With Sean and Mike

2006-12-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

Congratulation to my sister and the end of my vacation

2006-12-04T15:12:00.000-08:00

I am back, finally.

The one month vacation was great. Can't wait for another one...

Attached are some pictures from my sister's wedding. She is beautiful!! I wish both of them the best of the best(s) and the love for God and between them will be deepened each and everyday.

Congratulation to Kah Kheng and Angeline!!!

2006-11-13T21:09:00.000-08:00

It was a beautiful day.... We are all VERY tired but we enjoyed every second of it!!!

Isaiah 40:31

2006-10-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

I had abandoned blogging for weeks.
I spent my past weeks working, shopping, and shopping… did I mention “shopping”?
… Just to get ready to head back for all the weddings and meetings with family.

The heaviness that I mentioned on my previous entry left me after a day or two I posted the entry. As if once I declared war, the enemy fled the battle ground. So, I won. Nevertheless, I know the haunting will come back one day because we will never cease the longing of wholeness in this yet to be perfected world. It is like going through the whinny road and the valley of distress, I realize that my joy is full in the Lord.

Words became rhema to me this morning when I heard Isaiah 40: 29-31 was read by an innocent voice of a little boy.

Trusting and following the Lord does not exempt us from tribulation. It does not prevent us from loosing hopes and being discouraged. It does not as well isolate us from being swapped away from this overwhelming life. There will be times, when we are at the bottom of a pit hole, when we thought we lost it all, when we have no strength to hope and dream again, when we are heart broken to the point tears are frozen within, when we wake up every morning and wonder why we live, and when our prayers become the greatest disappointment... BUT, we can always come back up again. We can always find new hope and new strength. It is His faithfulness and love gives us courage to ignite small flame of hope and turn it into a consuming fire.

Isaiah 40: 29-31
29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

A temporary hiccup - "heat-up"

2006-10-06T23:05:00.000-07:00

The spirit of heaviness has been upon me. I even feel difficult to breathe at times. Some moments, I can feel pain coming from inside out. It seems like heartache without reason. And it comes and goes.

No matter in what situation, I want to cope it sweet. Nevertheless, I guess it is the tiredness and mundane daily routines that corner me to the edge. Somehow, I experience a force tries to turn me into an “ordinary” person. A person, who accepts life is just routine and dares not to dream. It is like a tug of war rages between Zoe and Zoë’s old self, I suspect. As if a voice tells me to surrender… but another part of me refuses to cease struggling.

I don’t want an ordinary life. I want a victorious life.
I don’t want to surrender to where I am. I want to pursue the plan that God has for me.
I don’t want to settle for the second-best. I want God’s best.
I don’t want to go to work, come home, dine with friends, and watch movies. I want to go around the world to share about how good God is and how amazing He is in Himself.
I don’t want to hurt another person for who one is or what one does. I want to share and rejoice in what I see in my vision, feel in my senses, and the solid steps marked everyday.
I don’t want to feel defeated. I want to live my life out loud for God’s glory.
I don’t want to stop and whine. I want to move and give praise.

Bear with me, if you see confusion in me.
Forgive me, if you see me all over the map and speak of things that sound pitiful and dim.
Pray for me, if you are concerned.

I am fighting hard over this heaviness. I have been praying and rebuking it. I know that it will soon depart for my eyes are fixed on the Lord. I told my roommate that what I am going through now seems like a labor pain. The breakthrough is at hands and only one more lap left in the race.

If it is a war, so be it because I don’t see it will last for long. Because…

My Lord and I win anyway.

Meeting the Unexpected

2006-10-03T10:02:00.000-07:00

Like a story you usually find in a novel or a movie… the unexpected happens.
It is like a staged encounter that makes you grasp your breath and you thought your heart would stop in that moment.

Sunday afternoon, Sept. 24th, I happily walked out from a bakery store in Great Mall with cranberries walnut bread on my hand with my cousin, Lila. While I was still not done laughing at Lila’s sensitive sense for food, I felt someone was trying to cover my eyes from the back. In a split of second, I thought to myself how familiar the move was. As my eyes met the figure standing behind me, I was shocked and surprised as if my heart jumped out of my throat. It was him, Keng Keat. That is how I address him all this while but I guess he started to go with “Jerry” when he studied in Melbourne. An old time friend who I hadn’t seen for 10 years, and to whom I wanted to express my deepest apology and wished to win back as a friend.

Even though we didn’t get a chance to talk much and I needed time to recover from this unexpected surprise, I was smart enough to ask where he stayed. After I went home, I did a search online and made a few phone calls to track him down. I left him a message and in hope that I would able to take him out before he left the bay area. I was in awe of how all things could come together sometimes. Jerry told me that he saw me passed by when he was browsing through clothes inside a store. Imagine this, if we were heading to the same direction, we would never meet. I am thankful that he called. I am thrilled that he would approach me with poise and kindness.

We spent our dinner together on Tuesday evening after I was lost for almost 30 mins on my way to his hotel. This lesson taught me to look at the map, instead of believing everything on the printed direction. Also, we spent Friday and Saturday together for a few mini tours in the bay area and San Francisco.

This is what I have to say him…

Keng Keat,

It is like learning about you all over.

As you said, I could still see a shadow of your old self but I appreciate who you are today after the baptism of time, successes, and failures.

Thank you for recalling who I was and allowing me to be who I am today. Many things have changed but there is always something remains the same. I had a great deal of fun talking with you about Sarah Brightman, Josh Groban, animes, Japanese series, music, life values, books, business, and management. Indeed that you still like to talk but now, with much meaningful and insightful contents. The best part was that I was not just the one who did the talking. By the way, I have to agree with you that my sense of “direction” is good and it will get better because I never cease to follow the lanterns of my feet.

You are becoming a fine man. I shall not be surprised of your exponential growth in the coming years for I always see the potential in you, even 10 years ago. Just slow down your step sometimes, take a deep breathe, ponder the beauty of God’s creation, and dream a greater dream.

I pray that the exquisite pain is traded in for an exquisite joy that nobody can steal away. I pray that you would one day understand that to loose it all is for the greater purpose from above.

Till we meet again.

Getting ready

2006-09-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

Angeline asked me if I would be MC with Christopher in her wedding. Christopher told me the maid of honor sometimes should delivery a speech... I think I better start writting down a sweet, simple, and memorable speech about Angeline and KK.

I'm feeling a sense of nervousness tingling around my senses. I started imagine my heavy gown but the picture was yet to be perfect. I am still in search for accessories for Anna, Molly, and myself. I don't know how I should wear my hair with a Tiara.

Ooohh... how about the tea ceremony? What should I wear? Should I wear the India beautiful outfit that Angeline bought for me with all the accessories? Judy has been asking me if she should prepare two sets of dresses. The Boucs are freak out. Julie is overly excited. Chisso is getting his ticket and he wonders which hotel he should pick.

It is all for you, my dear sis' and brother - Angeline and KK.
And I am glad that it is all for you.

How much time do I have?

Strange Dream

2006-09-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

Zoë is a little tired from work.
Yesterday, she had a strange dream again. ..

In the dream, I met a few very interesting people in a red wedding. Yes, red wedding. Every woman in there wore red with hairstyles that could only be found in animes. One of the guys there showed me a secret pathway to a land that owned by Malaysian government. I was enticed to hear that and my hidden adventurous nature kicked in.

The secret entrance to that land was odd. It appeared to be a washing machine. When I thought it could be a hole like the one in the Alice's Wonderful, it turned out to have staircases going downward. It was dark but the guy who guided me encouraged me to take the first step and I did. The next thing I know, I found myself in this strange place. The landscape was huge and it assimilated some street corners and country sides of Malaysia but I remembered that I told myself the cool weather was not the same of the all-year-round burning summer in Malaysia. It was “better.”

As we walked to a huge complex, it looked exactly the same as a big mall with people selling food and different mechanizes. It was thrilling. There was a person who sold my favorite pastry claimed that he had the best recipe in Butterworth. I shook my head and told him that I never heard of him. He was offended for a moment but gave me a piece to sample. The pastry was melting sweet and soft. It was indeed the best that I had tried. I commented him and he put on a satisfying smile on his face.

I didn’t know how much time has passed and I started to realize that I had friends. I visited them. I dined with them. I became accustomed to their world; even it was a strange place to begin with. The guy who brought me there turned out to be a very important person. The people in authority paid him respect. I forgot his name; it was “Tian Eann” or “Tian Ji.” I just remember something about the “sky.” He also seemed to be my guardian and my hero. He protected me.

I could not remember how the dream ended or if it even had an end but I woke up clearly remember some details and I am writing it down.

… Another strange dream…

主啊，我算什么?

2006-09-05T23:58:00.000-07:00

刚看完 “枷楠诗歌” 的 VCD 传记.
一个平凡的面孔, 一个微不足道的出身.
至今, 小敏已创作了九百多首歌. 一个连音乐家也惊叹的她却连初中都没毕业.
因有着上帝的恩赐, 一个不为人知的小敏却把她的歌与生命做为给予千千万万灵魂的种子.

看到她的谦卑与许许多多的主内弟兄姐妹对上帝的坚持不渝, 我无法不责备自己.

我们身处于没有宗教逼迫的环境里, 只顾其于自己的苦难.
我们有力气去彼此伤害, 却没有力气走万里路去宣告神的福音.
我们忙着探讨问题的是与非, 却忘了别人需要的不是对与错而是神的饶恕.
我们为着已逝的爱情难过哭泣, 却无视人海中真正迷失的无措和失望的煎熬.
我们有勇气面对自由的权力, 却没有勇气面对为福音而牺牲的枷锁.

小敏的歌里有那样的一段, 完完全全地说到我的心里, “因为有祢, 所以我可以活得像个人.” 实在不能想象, 没有上帝的我, 日子将会是怎么的过.

身为神子女的我们, 又给爱我们的上帝做过什么?
请往外面的世界看, 桩稼已熟, 金黄一片.
而你我, 又能为神和迷失的人群做些什么?

以下是小敏的见证:

主啊，我算什么? 　　
《十字架》专题片《迦南歌声》中小敏的见证　　(真理报加西版2004年1月号转载)　　　

一个出生在河南农村的小女孩，仅有初中一年级学历，从没学过作诗作曲，完全不通乐理，却成了古今中外创作赞美诗歌最多的人，这究竟是怎么一回事啊？　　

在舅妈带领下信主
　　我出生在一个农民的家庭，父母亲都是特别老实的庄稼人。我妈妈就没上过学，我父亲也就是上过一年到两年的学堂，也就是不认识几个字，都是特别穷困。　　后来上学上到初一的时候，我患了鼻窦炎。每天到中午就是头晕、呕心，就上不下去。后来我也就不再去上学。　　是舅妈向我传的福音，当时她跟我传福音的时候，我就感受到天地之间肯定会有一位创造的主宰。我常常会坐下来静思，仰望天空啊、飞鸟啊、野花啊，还有这些树木啊、青草、田野，在我心目当中，我就感受到是神的创造，但是我不知道这个神他的名字叫什么，他是谁。所以，后来当舅妈给我传福音的时候，我就非常清楚地知道，噢，就是他！我就找到这位真神。　　我去聚会第一次、第二次，我就感受到我的身体和过去不一样。我说：主啊，我真的相信有一位神，我相信你一定会医治我，并且会引导我，让我认识你，你会改变我的人生。　　当时我是背着家里的人去的，他们曾经反对我，特别是哥哥，觉得女孩儿不在家里，老是不在家里呆着，拔脚倒处乱跑，所以他就很反对，对我逼迫就是也比较大一点。所以，我是偷偷地出去聚会。看到教会当中的弟兄姊妹这么样地可爱，他们彼此相爱，又是这么样地朴实和诚实，那种和谐温馨的气氛常常使我难忘。我就立志跟随他。就在我立志决定要服事主的时候，那个时候我被圣灵感动，唱出第一首诗歌，是在九零年的年底。　　受圣灵感动唱出的歌　　当时，我只是教给我本村的一位小姊妹，她就教给了别人，就是这样一首、两首......别人说：你这些诗歌是从哪儿学来的？她说：跟着敏姐学的。后来，教会里面的一个弟兄还有一个姊妹知道了，他们就觉得：小敏怎么会唱歌呢？她又不出门，又不爱讲话。我们聚会的时候，哪个地方是旮旯，她就在哪里坐。她为什么会唱歌？他们就感觉到稀奇。
后来当他们唱：　　
主啊我赞美你，　　因为你拣选了我，　　
在这茫茫的人海中，　　是你把我找寻......　　
当他们唱这些诗歌的时候，心里面非常、非常地受感动，还不是一般的感动。就感受到上帝呀，你真好，你没有嫌弃我。我们本是尘土，本是这些不如虫，不如蛆的世人。然而你竟这么样地怜悯、眷顾我们，捡选我们。他们非常受感动，他们就查，这些诗歌是从哪儿来的？后来他们就找到我。　　
在祷告的时候；在静默的时候；在沉思的时候；还有在听道的时候......很多的时候，圣灵就会很奇妙地在我的心中给我一句话，这个诗歌就会不到五分钟或者十分钟，连词带曲，就一块儿会唱出来。有些弟兄姊妹会记谱，我写出来一首诗歌就站在上面教，他们就把它很快地就记下来。　　在一天早晨，我们祷告的时候，很多的人一起，有一些弟兄姊妹很长时间没有见面，就非常的想念，站在那个地方流泪就哭。当时，我不知道为什么就哭，为什么一进这个会场就受感动呢？我就在神面前祷告，我说主啊，我们今天的相聚就是因着你的缘故，如果没有你十字架上的大爱，如果没有你的宝血，我们每个人是互不相识的，不可能就象亲兄妹一样的和睦。那颗感恩的心特别地强烈。主啊，非常感谢你，感谢你。就是因为这句话：「感谢你」，《感恩的泪水》这首诗歌也就是很快写出来。　　
我感受到这是神在我身上的作为。你想呢，我连初中都没有毕业。我就常常在神面前祷告，我说神呐，这些都是你自己做的，不是我做的。如果你不使用我，你不感动我，我连一个字都写不出来。　　有一天晚上，有风有雨，就在秋天，我要到一个地方去聚会。有一句话：「主啊，愿你拉住我们的手，在风雨中行驶。」啊，我说：神啊，这一句话太好了，这是你对我的鼓励。后来我就唱：　　
主啊，愿你拉住我们的手，　　在风雨中行驶。　　
主啊，愿你牵着我们的心，　　飞往世界各地......　　　　
[解说词：小敏是饱经磨难的中国教会的女儿。她的诗歌在风雨中孕育，在血泪中诞生，是中国教会沧桑命运的真实回声。]　　

因信仰而遭拘捕　　
九二年的九月七号，我们正在屋里聚会，有人说：不好啦！公安局的来啦！当时给我们带到一个县城的公安局，里面有很多被抓的女囚犯呐。有的是抽烟的；有的是贩卖人口的；有的是杀人的；有的是赌博的。我们进去，她们也稀奇，说：你们怎么一下子进来这么多人？你们是偷什么东西还是杀人放火了？我说：我们什么都没有做，我们是信主的，我们是信耶稣的，我们是在聚会的时候被他们抓的。她们说：信主的好，为什么他们还抓你们？　　
那个时候我突然要唱诗歌：　　
非常的岁月里，　　才能锻炼自己；　　
非常的岁月里，　　才能成长。　　
你看那高山的松，　　迎着那四面的风，　　
经过漫长岁月酷暑严寒春夏秋冬，　　依然挺拔依然高耸，　　
不屈不挠万古长青，　　万古长青......　　
有人去看我，说你父亲因着你也瘦了，地里的农活还忙，你赶快跟他们说你不信了，或者怎么，你就出去吧！我说，你如果让我说这样的话，我就是在里面住一辈子我也不会出去。我说我就是要坚守自己的信仰，你去告诉我父母亲，不管他们对我有多么的生气，我相信神会怜悯我的，神也会安慰他们。　　
不知道什么时候我认识了红蓝紫，　　不知道什么时候我已经长高......　　　　
[解说词：在监狱里，小敏将她心中的歌，唱给犯人们听。
她唱道：
我在风中猜想，在雨中寻觅，寻了很久很久，没有找到谜底。
听人说，你去寻找真神，他会告诉你。
因为他曾创造天地，智慧和知识都在他那里。
啊，多欢喜！我找到了伟大的上帝，给我解开很多很多的谜，告诉我人生的价值和意义，生活变得丰富而美丽。
朋友，你是否也有这些谜？请你快来认识上帝！他离你不远，就在你的身边，在你的信心里。]　　　　
这首诗歌是迦南诗歌当中最长的一首。我当时唱给她们之后，我完全忘记了我是在监狱里。好像我就是在路上，在另一个地方给别人传福音。她们几个人都在那儿讲：哎呀，真好真好！哎呀，真是有神。就在这个时候呢，窗口忽然间就听到一个人的声音，这个人就是拘留所的所长。他把头伸进来说：我告诉你啊，你进到这个地方，你就没有想到怎么样回家？你一进到这个地方，你就开始又传开了。　　用歌声感动囚犯　　就当时我在传福音的时候没有想到，她们这些人会不会说：哎呀，这个人是不是一个疯子啊？怎么进到这个里面还会传福音？当时这些人就说：哎呀，你们的主真好，你们的诗歌也这么好，为什么还要抓你们？后来我就说：这是神的美意。一看到她们高举神的时候，就是说愿意归向神的时候，说：这个主太好了，我要相信，那个时候所有的忧愁就再也没有了。我说：主啊，求你让很多的人都归在你的面前。哪怕我们在这里面，一辈子不把我们放出来，只要人悔改，能够认识你，就是我们极大的甘甜和喜乐。　　特别地感谢主在里面加给我很大的力量。每天晚上的时候，我们几个人会轮流祷告。我们轮流禁食，为我们房间里面的祷告。所以在里面的那一段日子，没有一个人说信耶稣的不好。我们走的时候甚至她们会拉住我们的手：你们出去之后，一定回来看我们。在那个里面那段日子，是我一生很难忘啊，真是，神也给我很多的话。　　有一天，当我们放风的时候，我猛然地听到男号里有一阵惨叫声，就是那些监狱的人，在里面住的时间长了，他们就去打刚送到监狱里面的那些人。那声惨叫猛地传到我耳朵里，我就再也睡不下去，我猛地就坐起来。那个时候，就有一句话：
渴望自由，渴望安宁，渴望人世间都充满主爱，黑暗的地方需要光明，争斗的地方需要和平。愿作爱的使者......，

我今天活着，我真是感到是神在拣选我，能够把福音传给那些需要的人。　　其实，我没有像有一些弟兄姊妹受的苦受的那么样的多。而他们在监狱的里面，他们出来作见证，他们在服事神，给我很大的力量。他们是被耶稣所呼召出来的一群人。他们甚至把生死置之度外。　　为传福音四处奔走　　很多人不理解，他们就说：为什么要这样的跑，离开家？甚至现在我们都有孩子了，有时候会把孩子撇在家里，很多人不理解：你们就是违背了圣经。但那个时候我就想，我说主啊，如果每一个人都在家里坐着，福音怎么样能够传给那些特别需要的人？　　有的时候很孤单，好像没人理解。有一天来到小路上，四下无人，静悄悄的，没有一个人。那个时候感觉到主在感动我：
现在你并不孤单，有耶稣与你同在。
你受过多大的委屈，甚至多大的艰难，你走到哪个地方，耶稣就与你同在，他和你一起走。
所以，我就在那个时候唱：　　　　
主你是我最知心的朋友，　　主你是我最亲爱的伴侣......　　
其实，像我们也都有灰心的时候，但没有说灰心的时候就说:主啊，我不相信你。也许就是说，主啊，我们就不要传福音了吧，我们就相信有你，在家里呆着。其实，我们也都这样想过，但是不能。很多的灵魂牵挂在心的里面。这真是被主放上的。没有信耶稣的时候，就是在中国，没有想到有一个国度的胸怀，或者怎么样爱国。我看诗篇叁十叁篇，上面说：以耶和华为神的，那国是有福的。我看到这句话的时候，我就会想到我生长的国家，多少年多少代，战火滚滚硝烟弥漫......主啊，你能够看顾我们的国家，我相信当我们的国家敬畏你的时候，这个国家也是有福的。所以，那个时候就非常受感动，能够举手，为着中国祷告。　　
哪怕只有一滴血一滴汗，　　也要洒在中国；　　哪怕只剩一口气一把力，　　也要献给中国。
听母亲穿越海峡的呼唤声，　　中国人是神的儿女。　　
中国啊，中国！你快来安息，　　神已经找到你；　　你已不在迷途上跋涉，　　中国属于上帝！　　

当我被圣灵感动唱出《中国属于上帝》的时候，下面整个就是被这首诗歌震动了，哎呀，就在下面举手，神呐，中国是属于你的！中国是敬畏你的！中国从君王到百姓，从臣宰到士卒，都要起来认识你！　　　　

[解说：如今的小敏，虽然早已是孩子的母亲，却依然属于上帝，属于教会，属于中国；她的诗歌依然源源不断地从心中涌出。]　　　　
我要唱那一首歌，　　唱一首天上的歌。　　
天上的乌云，　　心的忧愁，　　全都洒落。　　
生命的河，　　喜乐的河，　　缓缓流进我的心窝；　　生命的河，　　喜乐的河，　　缓缓流进我的心窝。　　　　
[解说：跳动着七千万中国基督徒的脉搏，接续着一百年来无数传道人的脚踪，预告着中华民族不能逃避的命运，迦南诗歌正在成为一种民族的圣歌。]　　　　
到了晚上，　　鸽子飞回来，　　衔来一个新拧的橄榄叶，　　它代表希望，　　它代表和平，　　它代表又是一个更新的年代。　　我们踏着血，　　踏着泪走过来，　　大雁飞北飞南，　　唱不完神的爱。　　今日的中国，　　已不再荒凉，　　你看到处处都是苏醒的草木。　　
今日的中国，　　已不再荒凉，　　你看到处处都是苏醒的草木。

I must have thought of Charles

2006-09-04T09:59:00.000-07:00

Zhong drove us up to the whiny road of highway 9. It reminded me of the journey from Gurney to Balik Pulau in Penang. It was thrilled with excitement and speed, especially riding a motorcycle. I trusted Charles techniques in speed. It was fun.

I dreamt of Charles’s daughter last night. I have not seen her in person but in the dream his wife was again pregnant for his second child and her daughter had beautiful eyes color. They were all well. I was very happy for them.

It is strange that I could relate reality to dream very often. Sometimes, I wonder which one is real.

Anyhow, I should pay Charles a visit when I am back to Penang. Mun Su told me that he had started another lounge/ karaoke. Back in my mind, I wonder if this is all that he wanted because I can only remember the Charles who had ambition and a grander dream.

Dedicated to Anna

2006-08-29T14:27:00.000-07:00

I am hesitated to step into time and try to recall the somewhat not so pleasant and, in fact, mistreated memories. Nevertheless, you need to hear this because the Lord has put such a burden in my heart to share with you. Hence, I have won the victory and I am confirming to the image of God each day. Even though I am yet to be perfect, I am spending my whole life to be who God wants me to be.

Anna, I know how it feels like when your closest friends have abandoned you. I know the devastation of being isolated and separated. I understand the struggle of proving to others that you are not loosing yourself and eagerly want to be better with your potential in full launched. I know how you want to run away when others cast upon you the meanest look and speak of lies that never make sense. I know it all.

People who grew up with me knew that I had long hair and my mother loved to braid it and put on it beautiful ribbons and ornaments. I was set on stage for performance ever since I was about three. Dancing came so natural to me as if breathing. I grew up under spotlights, literally. While it was supposed to be the best thing ever happened to a child, it tormented me for years. Why? It is because I was born under a society that has different values and expectations. I had no place to be myself and the only way to live peacefully is to be like one of them.

Schoolmates belittled of me because they thought I thirsted for fame and glory, and that I traded my dignity for boys. I experienced isolation and separation. It was not my worst nightmare but it was bad enough to be classified as second-class citizen. Even my after-school tuition class teacher did not like me for who I was. Her non-verbal communicated how pitiful I was and I was good for nothing. I don’t think she ever thought that I could finish my college in U.S. and obtain a master degree in Switzerland. To her, I was just an ordinary girl who couldn’t wait to grow up and somewhat “not bright.”

I cut my hair as short as I was allowed (due to school rules) throughout my high school. I made myself look much like a boy than a girl, which gave my mom heart attacks every time I came back from my hair dresser ^_^ , just to wall against some poisonous words. I don’t remember that I ever fit in. I had been an outcast among the bright and smart kids.

I sought comfort in God and at church but attacks did not cease. Right after I committed myself to the Lord on Nov. 12, 1992, I walked in a fine line. Attacks came from all corners, spiritually, friendships, and at school. Some of my closest friends at church refused to speak with me completely due to my association with some other broken people who needed friendships. Some older women at church gave me cold shoulders and told their children to stay away from me. I was once again experienced abandonment. Back in my mind, I questioned. Are they not Christians? Didn’t Jesus be friends to the poorest in spirits and social outcasts? Didn’t Paul say that to be all things to all men, in order to win some for God? Isn’t Christianity a hope for the hopeless? I was confused. I had a choice to turn back and deny God and gave up my trust in God because after all Christians were indifferent. In the matter of fact, they were worse than the world because they preached about righteousness but they were hypocrites. Should I just give up hopes, dreams, and became who they thought I was? Should I walk away from the “self-claimed” loving God and His “people”? I was lost.

I thank God that I have cool and unconventional parents. They are strong emotionally and constantly give me strength to carry on and courage to excel myself. Their love and cares protected me from falling. After my commitment to the Lord, everything changed. I had Yin Yin to encourage me and the Holy Spirit convicted my motive and reminded me the reasons why I wanted Christ in my life. I told the Lord, “I come to Your house to worship You, not others. You are the reason that I have a new life and a new hope. You are the One I choose to worship and love. I am not going to care how people look at me and what people say about me. If they hate me, so be it. But if they need my help, I will not stay silent. I want to be Who You Are.”

My experience left some scars and caused me to run away from myself. I was afraid to see beauty and talents in myself because “they” told me that I had none. My self-esteem was brutally wounded and my pride was trampled. Nevertheless, Jesus is my comfort. He gave me beauty for ashes. He is my pride. He is the One who hold my hands to the end. He is the One who sees beyond who I was and knows who I am becoming.

I have won, Anna. Even though the battle didn’t end there and I had encountered other blows at times, I am growing strong each day. I know I am fully accepted in Christ and my parents are proud of me. The victory is mine, Anna. I have been set free by the blood of Christ and I want to be used by the Lord. I am still running but I am no longer running away, I am running toward God and the prize.

After all, it is not about me. It is not about “them,” either. It is about Christ. Therefore, no longer I want to loose hopes. No longer, I want to drift away. No longer, I want to give up. Because I know the plan God has for me surpasses the most glorious moment I could think or dream of. I know that when I fix my eyes upon the Lord, everything around me becomes nothing but shadows.

Anna, you always tell me that you wanted to be like me. Guess what? I don’t want you to be like me. I want you be the unique Anna that God has fashioned you. I know you are weak but only through your weakness that the power of God can complete you.

Since God told me to prophesize more in speaking words this year, I am telling you what I see in my vision of you. I see the strong Anna who is not afraid of adversities and brave to say “NO” to the world. I see the passionate Anna who goes around every corners of the world and speaks of His good news. I see the tender Anna whose heart goes out to the poor and needed. I see the humble Anna who has friends from different countries and skin colors. I see the glorious Anna who is clothed by the power from the Most High God.

This is the Anna that I see, so tell me what do you see in yourself?

Nata and Shally - Singing "The Prayer"...

2006-08-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

Picture of Nata and Shally

2006-08-21T22:20:00.000-07:00

I found their picture in my hard drive. Hurray... Here you go... the new couple.

Congratulation, Nata and Shally!

2006-08-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

Dear my beloved cousin and Shally,
我亲爱的表哥和Shally,

I want to give my ultimate blessing to your marriage right here.

Aug. 19th, 2006 will not be the same as any other day from now on. This is the day to celebrate the unity that God has brought both of you together. This is the day to remember everyday that your journey to fight for your marriage and protect each another starts here. This is the day that signifies the grace and love of God.

I pray that your marriage is blessed beyond measure and through both of you a new ministry will come forth. I pledge the blood of Christ over your marriage covenant and I ask God to seal it to the day He comes again.

I pray that God will give strength and wisdom to Nata, so that you can be a loving husband and a spiritual head in the household.
I pray that God will shower grace and love to Shally, so that you can be a support to Nata in everyway and a beacon that points to the throne of God.

My many blessings and wishes to both of you.

Much loves,
Zoë
(Nata 亲爱的表妹)

Quotes

2006-08-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

I promised Joo Sim that I'd post some good quotes... in hope, you will be encouraged.

Just as darkness retreats before light, so all anger and bitterness disappear for the fragrance of humility.

- John Climacus

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

- Nelson Mandela

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting system though which God speaks to us every hour; if we still only tune in.

- George Washington Carver

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.

- Kahlil Gibran

Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for power equal to your tasks.

- Phillips Brooks

Faith Ride

2006-08-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I had an important client meeting on Monday.
This meeting gave me such a chill that my deficiency in knowledge and wisdom might put me in shame. I did not know anything about gene separation, electrophoresis, microfluidic, and whatever instruments people use in this field. This industry was a mystery to me.

I spent hours to study the market and helped myself to pronounce the medical terms and technical names correctly. Other than that, I asked my friends to pray for me. For I believe that they need to recognize my weaknesses and only the work of God can establish me.

Sunday night, God showed me this,

Leviticus 26
Reward for Obedience
3 " 'If you follow my decrees and are careful to obey my commands, 4 I will send you rain in its season, and the ground will yield its crops and the trees of the field their fruit. 5 Your threshing will continue until grape harvest and the grape harvest will continue until planting, and you will eat all the food you want and live in safety in your land.

6 " 'I will grant peace in the land, and you will lie down and no one will make you afraid. I will remove savage beasts from the land, and the sword will not pass through your country. 7 You will pursue your enemies, and they will fall by the sword before you. 8 Five of you will chase a hundred, and a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you.

9 " 'I will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you. 10 You will still be eating last year's harvest when you will have to move it out to make room for the new. 11 I will put my dwelling place [a] among you, and I will not abhor you. 12 I will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people. 13 I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.

I could almost hear Him saying, “Remember that the work of your hands will be blessed and you will walk with your head held high.” Every single word stated in the Bible echoes hopes, promises, and grace to those whose hope is in the Lord.

Unspeakable peace entered my heart.

Monday morning, after a short struggle, I held my head up high and walked into the war room. According to my sales person, my clients were impressed. They urged the MC to write up a proposal to them ASAP. Even though it was a group effort, God did strengthen my feeble faith.

It seemed like I had the ride of faith with God yesterday.
It was thrilling and “scary.”

My past few days

2006-08-02T14:28:00.000-07:00

I can be a good juggler! I am bouncing back and fro among five different projects and proposals. The side effects of being a good juggler kick in - I think I am mentally exhausted, which affected my physical health.

I tried acupuncture last week. My doctor, Daisy Liu, is a faithful Christian who I met in the Passover Sedar. Considered I Never like people to tickle me, I freaked out when she told me that she needed to put five needles on my tummy. I was not afraid of the pain but the “touch of COLD alcohol.” After a few minutes of struggle, I literally became the biggest joke of the day for Daisy. I was so embarrass!! To comfort me, she made up some saying like, if I managed to handle this then I could manage anything in life. It didn’t help! It just cracked me up further. But I was a brave gal after all. I did it. It didn’t hurt at all. The only concern I have now is I might have to go through the same cycle next time.

On Sunday, I went to change my cell phone plan to Cingular. I know that Motorola Razr is extremely popular in U.S. but I don’t like any bit of it. I compared it with other options out there; it was still the best option. Bummer!!! Eventually, I walked out of the store with a black razr and a black wireless headset (to match my car and ipod nano - sosoos vain).

Two days ago, Zhong suggested getting new cell phones with a shared family plan. He wanted the Nokia 6682, which costs around $399.99 retail price, and he found a discounted deal with two free Nokia 6682s with a family shared plan. Jean agreed to exchange the Nokia phone with me. Happy! I will make my final call this evening after I see the physical phone. I guess my bottom line is I really don’t like razr.

You can trust Him

2006-07-27T18:08:00.000-07:00

I am on a withdrawal mode. My pile of work went down insignificantly and new projects are at the door knocking. So, I am anticipating about another four projects coming in soon and I will be the PM for at least three of them. I guess, I need another raise ^_^

Other than work, I have been reading Job, a man who God called him “blameless.” He was a man, who went through a life tragedy, a sequel of dramas, accusations from his close friends, and health deterioration. Even though he could barely keeping himself sane, he made a remarkable cry-out, “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him,” at Job 13:15. The book gave me an insight in comforting people who are going through hell in their lives and it also presented the sovereignty of the Most-High God.

The heart-cried comments that I usually hear from people, who are battling through lives or feeling defeated in certain areas, are “I am not good enough,” “I haven’t been treated right,” “They said…” “I want to be well but I am hurt,” “That is it,” and etc.

I understand that there are people who really want to be healed and would do anything to get out of looser syndromes. While, there are others who just like to talk about it and fish for another audience to make them feel better. However, I have sympathy for all of them, I believe in victorious living not indwelling pain. Pastor Steve Hage said it right that we don’t have a problem with faith; we just have unmended wounds and empty promises in our souls. If we believe that a single sinner’s prayer can forgive all our sins and gives us eternal lives, we don’t have a problem with faith.

It is the spoken word that strikes deeper than a dagger. It is the pain in our souls that stops us from hoping a higher hope and dreaming a bigger dream. It is the memory that as fresh as yesterday suggests that the devastating incidence will continue. It is the same person that tells us there is no way out.

Some time ago, I struggled with these haunting “experience,” as if I could not be where I want to be or fulfill the will of God. I questioned even if God’s forgiveness was enough.

I came to term with my struggles. Because I know that the haunting will not cease but I can be transformed from glory to glory when I am in the very God of presence. I know that if I just keep my eyes on the Lord, whatever hardship it may be, His grace is enough for me. I know that if I keep living in a microscopic life, I am missing the majesty of His doing. I know no matter how much I struggle, He is sustaining me all along.

The good news is, " No one whose hope is in you (God) will ever be put to shame" - Psalm 25:3. And as far as I know, He never let go...

Matt Redman -
You Never Let Go
From the album Passion 06: Everything Glorious

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes

We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Chorus: (2x’s)

The hot weather is at fault

2006-07-24T13:35:00.000-07:00

“With temperatures again expected to top 100 degrees, power demand was projected to reach an all-time high Monday and prompt some voluntary blackouts, in which some businesses agree to have their power shut off temporarily in exchange for lower rates, according to the Independent System Operator, California's power grid manager.” – CBS news

The bay area is suffering from heat wave. The temperature broke 100 for the past few days. I am reluctant to step out of the house and do anything. Even though the office is much cooler than the sizzling hot sun, I don’t feel like working. I blame it all to the weather =P

Thank God for AC!! I have been living at Eileen’s home for about a month now and they set the AC to auto and keep the temperature at 74 degree.

Generally, I like cooler weather. Hot weather makes me dizzy, headache, suffer from rashes, and many other complications… that is the argument I use to stay away from hot weather. I know that sweating is good but I don’t like it.

I promise myself that my next car WILL NOT be a black one!! My car is giving such a cool look in the winter but it turned into an oven after temperature hits 85s. Think about it, black exterior and black leather seats… however, I like my car, I distant myself away from him.

你是谁?

2006-07-19T16:40:00.000-07:00

很可怕的, 我又梦到了这一个在现实生活不可能认识的人... 这一次, 我们还有很长对话. 记得很清楚的是他说, “... 我要回香港了, 今天晚上...” 然后, 很无奈的看着我.
记得我很难过, 却一句话都说不出来.

我只知道他是一个精通中日英语的人.

解释

2006-07-19T16:39:00.000-07:00

可能是梦的季节改变了
可能是梦的颜色变调了
可能是某种花不应该开放的日季
可能是某一个你荒谬的渗入

如果灯光可以凝聚一些
如果时间可以长一点
如果声音可以清楚一些
如果剧情可以透彻一点

也许离开会是相聚的起点
也许说不出的言语是默契的开始
也许我们的世界可以接近很多
也许在捉不住的刹那却是永恒的瞬间

**应该是无聊, 所以开始乱写.

After a month...

2006-07-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

As you can tell, I abandoned blogging for more than a month...

Lately, I am put in a position where I was lost in words.
I feel an invisible wall that I need to breakthrough in order to access to my next destination. It might sound funny but as if I had a clog in my brain. I cannot recall certain things and I am not able to put thoughts into writing or speech.

Busyness consumed me for the past months. I failed to post a blog for Fathers’ Day to remember all the good things of my Father in heaven and fathers on earth. I wanted to mention how grateful I am to be loved by God and all these great father figures. I planned to give kudos to my biological dad, who calls out my potential and encourages me to venture far and achieve high. I wished to give thanks to Jim Bouc, who speaks positive words into my life and impresses me with his humanity and helping hands. I wanted to share with my god daddy, Pastor Moses, who shows me a role model of Christ faithful servant and perseverance during life turbulence.

Their generosity is beyond measure.
Their laughter and humor is hilarious.
Their kindness, integrity, and humanity, are vast.
They resemble the shadow of the most-high God.

Then, I missed to comment on my overloaded projects, Angeline and KK’s pre-wedding pictures, world cup, my uncle’s salvation, a tempting startup recruitment, and a new anime – Bleach.

I'll catch up.

关于爱情 (二)

2006-06-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

我觉得爱情是荒唐的, 是不合逻辑的, 是没有固定的方程式的, 是无法选择的.

有人说, 当你的目光无法离开一个人的时候, 那你已经爱上他了. 我不认为如此. 这样的感觉很多时候只是一种短暂性的眷恋.

也有人说, 爱情嘛, 该是细水长流, 那才会天长地久. 如果, 连一开始的砰然心跳也没有的话, 无可奈何的遗憾会偷偷地渗入所谓的爱情里吗? 或者该说, 那还算是爱情吗?

记得有次曾这样地告诉位好朋友, “我们能够选择结婚对象, 但却没办法选择该爱上的人.” 是的, 有些事是可以避免的. 不过, 在避免的过程中不是也已成认了事实的真相?

如果婚姻只是生活与圣洁的综合, 只有感情却没有爱情, 这样可以吗?

关于爱情

2006-05-29T23:22:00.000-07:00

笔录 5/28/2006:

自从开始在网络上写Blog后, 已经有一段很长的日子没有提笔为了某些事情而记录些什么了. 今天是有感而发的冲动吧! 刚刚看了日语的 Howl’s Moving Castle, 终于. 和英语的剧情有出入. 至少, 我了解了故事的前因后果.

那, 我的感觉是对的. 一个这样的偶遇, 一个这样的邂后, 一个这样的人, 能够不爱上是不可能的. 还记得当初看了那个片段的时候, 曾经这样的问过自己 – 如果换着是我, 反应将会是如何呢? 答案没有改变. 我将会忘不了. 而且每天会反复练习, 反复回忆每一个又短又不真实的细节. 如果再碰到时, 可能还会花上几秒钟愣在那, 接下来将会说些有的没的来掩饰自己的失态. 虽然当Sofia 遇到Howl的时候, 他的心已不在了. 可是, Sofia的心也却跟随着消失在眼前的Howl而去了.

故事里的爱情都不需为生活交代, 因此可以洒脱. Howl是个魔术师, 生活的衣食住行是可以变出来的; 小王子与玫瑰, 没有生命和空间的阻挠, 所以, 人们会觉得完美. 也许, 这才是爱情的本质吧! 不过活在限制与时间与生活中的我们还没有能力达到完美的本体. 那一天将会来临, 但, 并不是今天.

不知觉地呼吸着每口气的我们应该向往的是可以承受琐碎纠缠,岁月洗礼,与生活压力, 而又能历旧宁新的爱情.

离过婚的人告诉我, 那是不可能的.
我说,没有什么是不可能的, 如果上帝是牢实的根基.

认为爱情是烟雾的人告诉我, 那只是亲情.
我说, 亲情是固然的,但,爱情更是必然的.

不相信永恒的人告诉我, 那是天真.
我说, 如果无法相信永恒, 那对方的言语已失去了能够证明什么的能力.

肯定婚姻是爱情坟墓的人告诉我, 那是 “生活” – 淡而无味.
我说, 抱着这样的态度而步入婚姻的人已注定了爱情死亡的那一天.

我可以是天真, 不过, 我选择相信, 我选择坚持, 我选择努力.

D.V.C

2006-05-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't plan to make comments on this topic - "Da Vinci Code" but after reading KK's blog, let me share something here...

No matter how brilliant the author is or how perfectly woven the decoding seemed to be, the idea of this book made me sick. Same thing happened to me since 2004 that many people asked me if I had read the book. Needless to research any further after a short summary of the story, my first reaction was, “what the heck is this?” and I drew my final conclusion - I don’t want to have anything to do with it. - Yes, I am subjective, so? I don’t need another mere story to tell me otherwise.

I understand that it could be a good opportunity to probe people to think about God and Christ, and it could be a great chance to show the world that Christians are fearless to a fabricated entertaining story. Of course, I would be more than happy to answer questions and point them to the Words of God. Nevertheless, it wouldn’t be my intention to win the crowd through knowledge and argument because it is as well futile.

A friend of mine told me that she rather believed in the Jesus of Da Vinci Code than the Jesus of the Bible because the story made sense. I didn’t blame her. For it is easier to pick up “proof” and “explanation” than to pick up our own “cross”. Last year, another friend of mine asked me, “wasn’t Jesus married?” I think my face turned dark at once and blurted out loud a big “No”. My anger was not toward my friend but the source of lies.

If you are a big fan of Da Vinci Code and ready to seek the truth… I would suggest you to read the Bible. You’ll find the same excitement, murderous schemes, secrets, laughter, tears, blood, and mysterious encounters. But better, you’ll find life, victory, hopes, joy, and Christ the Lord Jesus personally. The best thing is – it is not a fiction, it is His-tory, the whole truth.

“Matthew24: 3 Now as He (Jesus) sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, “Tell us, when will these things be? And what will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?” 4 And Jesus answered and said to them: “Take heed that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in My name, saying, ‘I am the Christ,’ and will deceive many… 23 “Then if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Christ!’ or ‘There!’ do not believe it. 24 For false christs and false prophets will rise and show great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. 25 See, I have told you beforehand. 26 “Therefore if they say to you, ‘Look, He is in the desert!’ do not go out; or ‘Look, He is in the inner rooms!’ do not believe it. 27 For as the lightning comes from the east and flashes to the west, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.”

... I don't know about you but I am looking at the eastern sky.

活在时间瞬间的我们

2006-05-17T14:45:00.000-07:00

昨天看了 “漂流教室”.
喜欢它带着感伤的遗憾与荒唐的塑造.

“...有些朋友只有靠手机联系. 当我失去它的时候, 我已为我是永远的失去你了...”
“... 就是一句话, 一个字, 一个微笑... 如果不抓住那瞬间, 可能就会变成永远也转达不了的信息...而,这遗憾将一生的伴着你.”

いろいろて

2006-05-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

私元気です！今わ少しの疲れた。でも、いいよ。

今日わ仕事ね急がしじゃないよ。だから、Blogで書きます。この感じわやさしくて、寂びしくて。
まさか、この感じでいつもいますか？信じない！信じないよ！

神様わつといしおにから、心にがんしあしますと勇気いますよ！

A note for you

2006-05-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

Maybe being overly righteous is a burden to oneself and others.
It's all right. You don't have to hide because the more you hide the greater the flaw is.

… I rather to face the ugliest truth than to prolong the lie that you must sink in.
Sin is like crimson red. God's grace is white as snow.
I am not God but I clearly know what kind of grace God gave to me, so that I could extend to others.

It is easy to be nice to others but it is an extraordinary difficult task to love and discipline yourself for others' sake, especially for the One who has abandoned all for you.

I still fail at times but I pick myself up again. I learn to love myself and avoid pains that I may cause Him. For His cause, I know I am accepted. So, you are.

"His wrath is for a moment but His loving kindness is everlasting" I hope you know what I mean.

Scattered

2006-04-24T16:53:00.000-07:00

I have been silent for a while. At times, I have a zillion of thought, which refuse to be put into words. Some other times, I have too much to say but I am afraid that my “words” may fall short of what it truly means. So, in short, I am keeping my thoughts in place without converse them.

My scattered thoughts begin here -

1. I was invited to a Passover Sedar by a Jewish coworker. It was an honor to be seated with the Lord’s people and celebrate the power and mercy of God, which delivered them out of Egypt. I enjoyed the symbolized food and dips that represent the suffering of their ancestors in Egypt, and also the hope of deliverance. In a split of second when the Elijah’s cup passed in front of me, I hesitated to pour my wine into that cup. To the Jews, it is a symbol of pleading Elijah to quicken the coming of Messiah. To me, if I had poured the wine into the cup, I would be denying the Messiah had come two thousand years ago and my salvation in the Lord was voided. I could not tell if it was the Lord or my body coordination but the wine did not come out from my glass, it stopped at the edge. I know that there is no condemnation in the Lord for the sake of joining His peoples’ tradition and ritual but I could not deny my Lord and I refused to agree with the Jewish hosts and guests that my Jesus was just another nice guy. Because I know that I know – Jesus Christ is the Messiah, the hope of Israel, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Word of God, my savior, my everything. So, I paused for a while, and I put down my glass. <<>

2. I saw another side of Jesus during the Easter Musical. It never strikes me that the Creator of the whole world desired to be remembered. I thought when people look at the starry night they would remember Him. I thought, when His disciples broke bread and walked through the alleys and paths they used to travel, they would remember Him. I thought it was so natural to remember the one, who you loved and vowed to die for. Probably, I had been wrong. When troubles come and busyness consumes us, we tend to forget. The repetition of “remember me” in the scene told me how distressed Christ was and how much He would like us to have Him in our hearts – just to remember Him.

3. Nothing else matters, but You. For the cause of Christ, some people make the wildest decisions in their lives. There are some, sacrifice their lifetime to advance the Kingdom of God. Others, labor days and nights to hold on tight the promises of God against cold shoulders and cruel facts that can easily steal their hopes for tomorrow. What does hope really mean? An opportunity to revive broken dreams, or to reverse circumstances? The last time I checked, Christ does not promise us rosy lives and all prayers answered. So, what are you hoping for? The only thing that keeps me going is the promise He made – “Behold, I make all things new.” – Revelation 21:5

4. … it is enough, for now.

你, 可以延续多久?

2006-04-18T22:22:00.000-07:00

你, 可以延续多久?
对一件事, 一个人...
是恒心的问题吗? 抑或是缺乏信心的阻绕?
我看过积极后的冷淡, 也看过中途抽身而去的, 更领教过因难而退缩.
虽然如此, 我还是选择相信 - 坚持不渝地.
是一种傻气与固执.
纵使, 换得的是这名份... 我, 一点也不介意.

Why do people have to be so hard on them?

2006-03-31T14:22:00.000-08:00

I understand that there are many false prophets and money-hunger-self-claimed men of God out there. Nevertheless, didn’t God say that the false prophets would be judged by His own wrath? Excuse me, that means – God will avenge, not us.

I don’t understand why when revival hit, sick healed, lame walked, and blind reclaimed sights, deaf heard, and inner wounds mended… and YET, there are people out there can make a comment saying that, “this is just a show”. Angry? Oh yes, I am. I am heart broken for preachers and workers of Christ.

Ooh, I ever heard an individual said, “Oh… look, the praise and worship is like in a concert. So self-serving.” Little that he knew that the musicians, choirs, and singers are well trained, skilled, and willingly to give up their time for practice and stay for 2-3 services on Sunday just to lead the congregation into the presence of God, while he might be sitting at home flipping through channels or having good meals in restaurant. By the way, they don’t get paid, unless the church employs them.

I wonder why preachers have to be poor with their shoulders shagged and maybe live in mobile homes, and then people will accredit them as MIGHTY men of God. In conjunction of the lifestyle, people expect the preacher’s wife to work in the ministry as well, when only one salary is paid. I wonder why people are afraid that their tithes and offerings would go to the pocket of wicked men, while there is ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with them for the tithe and offering are due to God alone. Hey, if they are more blessed than us, why not? The art of God should be praised.

I wonder why the people who make such comments choose not to stand on the frontline and be the hands and feet for God, rather – put on righteous faces and make comments as if they know it all. Do you know missionaries sacrifice their sweet homes, comfort, career, time, money, energy, and even family for the love of God to be sent to lost souls? Have you seen the bristles and wounds of their feet? Have experience home sick when you are thousand miles away from home? Have you dined with the locals when you are not accustomed to the food? Have you being tired of rejections? Have you seen the tears of repentance? Have you seen people set free from bondages?

These workers deserved more than your negative comments and tipping. Their feet are called beautiful and there are crowns of life waiting in heavenly places. Please be merciful to the workers of God, even they ask not.

I believe they need to be blessed in all ways. I don’t believe they need to beg for monetary support when going to mission trips or crusades. I believe they deserve applauses in heaven and here on earth. I don’t believe that they need to be treated as second-class citizens. I believe that if we are bearing the image of God, we shall able to extend our mercy and grace, though I don’t believe that we are perfect.

Please don’t let your bad experience discredit the honest hard work.
Please don’t quick to judge when you are only outside looking in.
Please be merciful when they fail.
Please be willing to serve as they are.
Please let God be God, and we are mere men.

Oh woman...

2006-03-30T11:08:00.000-08:00

One of the greatest tragedies in the history was the fall of King Solomon.

A man, who was adored by kingdoms from near and far, and sited on a splendrous throne that made of ivory and coated in pure gold.
A man, who sought after wisdom before riches and death of his enemies.
A man, whose wisdom surpassed earthly justice and righteousness, and satisfied all difficult questions from Queen of Sheba.
A man, who built the most magnificent temple of the Lord and promised to walk in His statues.

The wisest and richest man, who ever walked on earth, fell for the sake of women.
He had 600 wives and princesses, and 300 concubines.
He died in the bosom of his foreign wives.

He traded his wisdom and favor of God for sweet smiles and warm embraces.
The wisest man became the most foolish man on earth by the power of women.

Oh woman... thou quietness, smiles, and tears can trample a man's heart and cause kingdom to fall.

Richard Wayne Mullins (October 21, 1955 – September 19, 1997)

2006-03-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

Rich Mullins is one of the most well-know Christian artists. Even though we lost him nine years ago, his songs never cease their powerful impact and sensible touch to many of us. Talking about a radical Christian, a follower of Christ, a cool dude who writes songs and poems, an against-all-odds lover of God - Rich Mullins had his place solidly grounded in the history.

To know more about him, check him out, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rich_Mullins

My favorite Rich Mullins' Quotes:

"Never forget what Jesus did for you. Never take lightly what it cost Him. And never assume that if it cost Him His very life, that it won't also cost you yours."
"So go out and live real good and I promise you'll get beat up real bad. But, in a little while after you're dead, you'll be rotted away anyway. It's not gonna matter if you have a few scars. It will matter if you didn't live."
"I think if we were given the Scriptures, it was not so that we could prove that we were right about everything. If we were given the Scriptures, it was to humble us into realizing that God is right, and the rest of us are just guessing."
"If you want a religion that makes sense, go somewhere else. But if you want a religion that makes life, choose Christianity."

Running Away and Sweetly Broken

2006-03-20T15:04:00.000-08:00

Running away? You must be kidding me.

I had been bewildered for a while in regard to my work and life. Sometimes, I doubt if what I am doing directly becoming the hands and feet of Christ. How could I converse this thought of mine into words? Idleness and a life without a vision drain me. It doesn’t sound like me at all because it is not who Zoë is.

Has a frightful voice questioned you that, what if your life is wasted? Just like any others, totally wasted? You have wasted your life in reaching career goals, fighting over meaningless political battles, saving for material and status possessions, trading opportunities to love and to be loved for a foolish idea, and so on and so forth?

I woke up this morning and made up my mind to cease this turbulence. Usually I reject no perplexity and welcome healthy struggles but I have come to the point of re-bounce. If the devil thinks that feelings and circumstances can blind me from pursuing my Beloved, he will soon realize that he has lost the battle to the ultimate.

My prayers might seem to be hitting unfathomable silent walls but the Bible says that the prayer of the righteous one is powerful and effective. There are times when I abhor this superficial and shallow world, whereas the Lord tells us to be mindful of things above. I can’t help to thank God for this brokenness and daunting. For these, I appreciate every blessing and who He is.

Only when we take our sins seriously, we learn to treasure the greatness and grace of His sacrifice and resurrection! The incompleteness drives us to His arms; the desire for all things new ascertains us of His unchangeable promise.

Running? You must be kidding.
I was made for His glory and I am trained for overcoming battles.
The Father is in me, and the Holy Spirit is guiding me.

Bring it on and you will see what it means by “Arise and shine!”

If I am going through a “sweetly broken” pathway, I am sure I am heading to the “sweetly restored” eternity.

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
From the album Sweetly Broken

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, underserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:
In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

(2x’s)Chorus:
Label: Vineyard Music

More than just stories...